This journey is a painful one no doubt. Emotionally painful at times, physically painful almost all the time. Lately it seems I am spending so much time trying to recover physically during the day that I don't have time for much else. My day when I'm not at work consists of icing, stretching, salt baths, ice baths, and frequent visits to my old friend Dr.T. Always trying to get my body in good enough condition just so I can train the next day. I am starting to feel a little pressure, I so badly want a fight date so I can start my mission to become a professional boxer. I know Syd won't let me fight until he feels that I am ready. Everytime I step into the ring to spar, I want to do well, I need to prove that I can defend myself, that I can compete, that I can move and box like a Syd Vanderpool student. I know that this will only come from hard work, the extra work I put in when I'm not with Syd. There hasn't been much of that lately, I still haven't missed a day, but the hours I feel that are required for me to improve my conditioning and skills aren't being put in. I'm simply too banged up right now. Syd would like me to inform him of any injuries I have but at this point I would rather just shut up and do the work. My back is still very tight, my rib still bruised and tender, I have a new black eye(which doesn't prevent me from moving like other injuries so that one doesn't really count) and now my left shoulder is sore. The pain was so excruciating the other day, I wasn't able to lift my arm across my body. I iced and ended up training with Syd anyway, biting throught the pain. Of course if Syd reads the blog he'll know anyway but right now it is important for me to show some toughness. Not only to Syd, but to myself.
I lack a certain mental toughness that other experienced boxers have. All boxers come to a point eveyday in training when they are exhausted and their bodies want to give up and it feels that they can't go on. This is when their will takes over. Your will stands before your body, it is your will that will decide whether your body will quit, or whether it will endure. Although I am improving in this category, I'm still nowhere close to where I should be. I feel that when I spar, I feel pressure, I'm stiff and I move slowly. My feet are heavy and my hands are slow. I take WAY too many shots to the head than I should. Everything I spent hours of practice on just doesn't come together and I am left in the ring, not breathing properly, thinking too much(or not enough!) and running out of gas quickly. Near the end of most of my sparring rounds I am practically running for my life, actually it is quite opposite, I'm not running at all because I'm too tired to move and it seems I'd rather get punched in the head, because if I move my legs, I actually might fall over! But I AM getting better, and you just have to take a look around the gym to find inspiration at any given point in the day. Everybody there, from the pro boxers, to the amateurs, to the ladies just trying to stay in shape, they all have tremendous will, and more heart than me. I strive to be like them, they inspire me all the time, everyday. There is NO quit in anyone that trains there. So, there can't be any quit in me, if I want to fit in, and be like them.
I know that my body will continue to suffer, at least until I can get it in better condition to sustain the amount of abuse I need it to take in order to train. Hell 2 years ago I was in the best shape of my life training with SJW, I know I can get there again. Until then, I'll just keep plugging along, trying to improve, improve just enough for Syd to say the words I'm longing to hear, 'we're ready for a fight'.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Friday, September 28, 2012
Sticks And Stones
It's been a tough week on the physical side of things. I was forced to use a chiropractor due to some severe tightness in my back, causing me to feel some jarring pain. I was still able to train thankfully but definitely not at 100%. Also functioning with a bruised rib, which doesn't feel that bad compared to my back! I found my head in the toilet the last 3 days as well, at least I'm working hard. And I have some added accessories, a blackened eye and a fat lip from wednesday's session with my new training partner Mark. So. I'm a little banged up, I'm not looking for any pity, just simply updating the journey.
An important part of training is shadow boxing. When a boxer shadow boxes, he is similating a fight, an opponent is in front of him and he/she is moving, slipping, punching, counter-punching, the whole thing. It isn't as easy as you think, actually, it's pretty exhausting! It also isn't easy pretending that there is an imaginary fighter in front of you, and you are responsible for creating his moves as well. After every movement or sequence, a good boxer's feet will always be in the right position to defend and/or attack. At all times. Aside from that though, shadow boxing will tell you exactly the level of a boxer. you can see the way he moves, punches, everything. A trainer will be able to have a good idea of where a boxer is at, judging solely on the way he shadow boxes. My session with Syd will start with a brief warm-up(get a sweat going) and then a couple rounds of shadow boxing, to see 'where I'm at'. The bell will sound and I begin moving, ending when the bell goes off again, I will look at Syd immediately after my round of shadowing. It is never good! It's almost comical at this point! The best way for me to describe the expression on Syd's face after watching me shadow box is to imagine what he would look like if I stole his car and crashed it into a pole. Obviously I am exaggerating a little, let's just say, he never looks impressed. Today was a huge day for me, after shadowing Syd said that it was okaaaaaaaaaay. We had a little laugh after seeing how happy I was, Syd was disappointed that I was so happy, stating that I shouldn't be happy with just being okay, that I should be striving for perfection! I know he's right, but at that moment I was just happy that after watching me shadow, Syd didn't look like he wanted to give up training and sell the gym! Syd has a lot of charm, a lot of charisma, but unlike most people with these qualities he doesn't have to speak a lot to be this way. Syd is kind, and well respected. Everyone at the gym admires him and adores him, he has that 'presence' about him.All eyes are on Syd and what he is doing, all ears paying attention when he speaks. And he always tells it the way it is.. He may not tell you what you want to hear, but he'll tell you the truth, which actually, is exactly what I want to hear. Everyday I tell Syd that we're ready for a fight, he'll do one of 2 things. He'll either chuckle and say 'we're closer' OR... he'll just chuckle.
Sometimes after some hard training, or it is obvious I'm in pain, Syd will ask me after our session together "Are you sure you want to do this?" I have the same reply everytime. "100%"
I don't just want to do this, I have to.
An important part of training is shadow boxing. When a boxer shadow boxes, he is similating a fight, an opponent is in front of him and he/she is moving, slipping, punching, counter-punching, the whole thing. It isn't as easy as you think, actually, it's pretty exhausting! It also isn't easy pretending that there is an imaginary fighter in front of you, and you are responsible for creating his moves as well. After every movement or sequence, a good boxer's feet will always be in the right position to defend and/or attack. At all times. Aside from that though, shadow boxing will tell you exactly the level of a boxer. you can see the way he moves, punches, everything. A trainer will be able to have a good idea of where a boxer is at, judging solely on the way he shadow boxes. My session with Syd will start with a brief warm-up(get a sweat going) and then a couple rounds of shadow boxing, to see 'where I'm at'. The bell will sound and I begin moving, ending when the bell goes off again, I will look at Syd immediately after my round of shadowing. It is never good! It's almost comical at this point! The best way for me to describe the expression on Syd's face after watching me shadow box is to imagine what he would look like if I stole his car and crashed it into a pole. Obviously I am exaggerating a little, let's just say, he never looks impressed. Today was a huge day for me, after shadowing Syd said that it was okaaaaaaaaaay. We had a little laugh after seeing how happy I was, Syd was disappointed that I was so happy, stating that I shouldn't be happy with just being okay, that I should be striving for perfection! I know he's right, but at that moment I was just happy that after watching me shadow, Syd didn't look like he wanted to give up training and sell the gym! Syd has a lot of charm, a lot of charisma, but unlike most people with these qualities he doesn't have to speak a lot to be this way. Syd is kind, and well respected. Everyone at the gym admires him and adores him, he has that 'presence' about him.All eyes are on Syd and what he is doing, all ears paying attention when he speaks. And he always tells it the way it is.. He may not tell you what you want to hear, but he'll tell you the truth, which actually, is exactly what I want to hear. Everyday I tell Syd that we're ready for a fight, he'll do one of 2 things. He'll either chuckle and say 'we're closer' OR... he'll just chuckle.
Sometimes after some hard training, or it is obvious I'm in pain, Syd will ask me after our session together "Are you sure you want to do this?" I have the same reply everytime. "100%"
I don't just want to do this, I have to.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Healing
It was my birthday last week. I don't know what most of you do on your birthday, I guess some reflect on the previous year or years, maybe you think about the future and what excitement the new number will bring. Most of you maybe aren't there yet, and really only care about how drunk you're going to get and how badly you'd like to get laid, and when and where this will all take place. I actually forgot about my birthday, I have so much on my mind these days it was quite easy to, I was with my staff in a meeting when my mom called me at work to wish me a happy birthday. Then my staff brought out a birthday dessert and sang happy birthday, then there was no forgetting about it ! And it was fine, I actually reflected on the status of my life a little this week, and although I have some tough and life altering decisions to make in the near future I realized that for the first time in my life I'm content, the storms inside me have calmed, the demons resting a little, and dare I say...I am happy.
Of course this reflection didn't come without some bitter sting. Throughout the course of my life, whenever things got to a point when I just didn't know what to do, I would always talk to my Granddad. After all avenues were explored, and I would still be in despair, there was always one person that I needed to talk with, that person was my Granddad. I have been blessed to have some great men influence me in my life, my dad, my tennis coach, my uncle, but the greatest man I've ever known was my Granddad, Fred Ames.
My Granddad along with my Nana, are the couple responsible for the most romantic story that I know. That story is about how my family came to this country, Canada, the best country in the world. One day I might tell you that story, but today you get the short the version. My Nana and Granddad sponsored my mom and dad to come to Canada after responding to a letter that my Opa wrote from Indonesia to a bible class, here in Toronto. They took my parents in, fed them, clothed them, and got my dad a job, even naming my parents' first born, Sandra, my beloved sister! From that day on, we were inseperable, my Nana and Grandda were there for everything, birthdays, graduations, weddings, they have seen almost every one of the tennis matches I played in. The Indonesian community is huge now, and although unproven, my sister is one of the first to ever be born here, in fact we don't know of any 'Indonesian' baby that was here before her. The whole side of my dad's family has settled in Canada now, and most of my mom's too. Huge families, hundreds now, that all started from my Nana and Granddad bringing my parents to Canada.
My parents affectionately call them 'mom' and 'dad', and my Nana and Granddad have always cosidered my parents to be their own children, and my sister and I their grandchildren, they would always always introduce us as such, to everybody. And they ARE my granparents, since the day I was born.
My Granddad was the most incredible man I have ever known. He was a true gentleman, and when I say that, he really was, a gentle, man. He was soft spoken, never spoke loudly, never raised his voice or got angry, he was a tall and large man but when he hugged you or held your hand you felt nothing but comfort and love and safety. He treated everyone the same, my Granddad could be on the phone with the President, the Pope, a homeless person or an ex-con, you would never know which he was talking to because he dealt with everyone with respect, he treated everyone equally, with unconditional love. He was a great listener, he had time for everyone, and he always saw the good in people, I never heard my Granddad say a bad or negative word about anyone, ever. In times of trouble, he turned to god and his faith was unrelenting, he believed in the lord's will, and served his time on earth in this fashion. My Granddad never seemed stress, he always knew what to do, and that was always the right thing. He had his morals and values and always held himself accountable to them, doing the right thing was easy for him, money, greed, power, nothing would ever stand in the way of my Granddad making the right decision. He embodied integrity. My Granddad is someone I looked up to, he was loved and admired by everyone that knew him, he had every trait in a man that any other man would want. But although Granddad had all these wonderful traits to his character, there was one thing that seperated him from everyone else, there was one thing that made his life special, there was one thing that has always stuck out in my mind and lives in my heart, the one thing that I will always remember about my Granddad is how much he was in love with my Nana.
My Nana was the world to him. He treated her exactly like that. The world. He loved her with everything he had, and he showed it. Not just on her birthday, or Christmas, or on their anniversary, my Granddad showed my Nana how much he loved her, each and every day. One day they were taking me to a tournament, I was sitting in the back of the car, we were stuck in traffic, I was babbling on about something and they were both listening intently. When I finally stopped talking, my Granddad acknowledged me, paused, then turned to my Nana, grabbed her hand gently ( he did everything gently) and told her how beautiful she looked. When they got older and their health was getting worse, I remember visiting my Granddad in the hospital and seeing how worn out he was and sad, when the phone rang and it was my Nana he had a sudden burst of energy, he was telling her how much he loved her and how he couldn't wait to get home. I swear my Granddad only got better so that he could go home, to be with my Nana. And there are stories of the growing love they had for each other. He was in love with her, from the day they met, to the day he died.
I've always held on to the idea of 'true love' because of my Granddad. I've always believed that I could find somebody that I would be in love with, everyday, and not have that feeling deteriorate over the years, in fact opposite, that feeling would only grow, exponentially. Like it did for my Granddad. He was crazy in love. Always. I've seen relationships, I see it all around, all evidence shows that it isn't possible, that the best I can hope for is to love someone and have that person love me back. But this 'in love' thing is for youth, and the initail stages in a relationship. You never want to 'jump the person's bones' throughout your whole life. It just doesn't happen. Well, I'm a dreamer. My fighting name isn't "The Dream" for nothing.And just like my dream to become a professional boxer, I want to see if I can defy the odds. So, although I've yet to have a successful relationship and to be 'crazy' in love with someone for ever, I still believe that such a thing can happen, I know it can, because it happened with my Granddad. I've learned so many things from him, but mostly how to treat other people and the care and respect and love that goes into getting to know every person you come in contact with. He was such a special man, I miss him for so many reasons, especially now, selfishly, because I have so many decisions to make, and it makes me think about how many times I need to talk to him.
It makes me sad to think about the last days of my Granddad. When he died, I was an alcoholic, a drug addict, a selfish person. He never got to see me do better, to see me married with children, and to have success, and by success I mean, he never got to see me happy, and I know that's all he ever wanted for me. Although he believed I always had a good heart, he never got to see that character come to fruition,( I myself am still waiting). I was his Grandson, who only called him when things were wrong, when I was drunk, lost a job, dropped out of school, got heartbroken, I never called him to see how HE was doing. I regret these things, it's hard to let them go. My Granddad always made me feel loved, protected, safe. He would always make you feel safe. I remember the first time I was ever in a sauna, I was just a kid. It was so hot, like nothing I ever experienced. I rememeber feeling panicked, worried that if the door was locked and the heat persisted, what would happen? I only had to look over at my Granddad, to feel calm again. he was always calm, and he brought that sense of calmness in everything he did, everywhere he went. I always knew I would be safe with him. Safe, in every way.
All those times I would need to talk to him, to call him up when I was in trouble and didn't know what to do, when it seemed I had no one else to call. I miss him. But looking back, I realized something. All those times I reached out to him in despair, I didn't need him to tell me things were going to get better, I didn't need his advice, I didn't need an ear or a shoulder to cry on, All I really ever wanted, all I ever needed was to hear the sound of his voice.
Of course this reflection didn't come without some bitter sting. Throughout the course of my life, whenever things got to a point when I just didn't know what to do, I would always talk to my Granddad. After all avenues were explored, and I would still be in despair, there was always one person that I needed to talk with, that person was my Granddad. I have been blessed to have some great men influence me in my life, my dad, my tennis coach, my uncle, but the greatest man I've ever known was my Granddad, Fred Ames.
My Granddad along with my Nana, are the couple responsible for the most romantic story that I know. That story is about how my family came to this country, Canada, the best country in the world. One day I might tell you that story, but today you get the short the version. My Nana and Granddad sponsored my mom and dad to come to Canada after responding to a letter that my Opa wrote from Indonesia to a bible class, here in Toronto. They took my parents in, fed them, clothed them, and got my dad a job, even naming my parents' first born, Sandra, my beloved sister! From that day on, we were inseperable, my Nana and Grandda were there for everything, birthdays, graduations, weddings, they have seen almost every one of the tennis matches I played in. The Indonesian community is huge now, and although unproven, my sister is one of the first to ever be born here, in fact we don't know of any 'Indonesian' baby that was here before her. The whole side of my dad's family has settled in Canada now, and most of my mom's too. Huge families, hundreds now, that all started from my Nana and Granddad bringing my parents to Canada.
My parents affectionately call them 'mom' and 'dad', and my Nana and Granddad have always cosidered my parents to be their own children, and my sister and I their grandchildren, they would always always introduce us as such, to everybody. And they ARE my granparents, since the day I was born.
My Granddad was the most incredible man I have ever known. He was a true gentleman, and when I say that, he really was, a gentle, man. He was soft spoken, never spoke loudly, never raised his voice or got angry, he was a tall and large man but when he hugged you or held your hand you felt nothing but comfort and love and safety. He treated everyone the same, my Granddad could be on the phone with the President, the Pope, a homeless person or an ex-con, you would never know which he was talking to because he dealt with everyone with respect, he treated everyone equally, with unconditional love. He was a great listener, he had time for everyone, and he always saw the good in people, I never heard my Granddad say a bad or negative word about anyone, ever. In times of trouble, he turned to god and his faith was unrelenting, he believed in the lord's will, and served his time on earth in this fashion. My Granddad never seemed stress, he always knew what to do, and that was always the right thing. He had his morals and values and always held himself accountable to them, doing the right thing was easy for him, money, greed, power, nothing would ever stand in the way of my Granddad making the right decision. He embodied integrity. My Granddad is someone I looked up to, he was loved and admired by everyone that knew him, he had every trait in a man that any other man would want. But although Granddad had all these wonderful traits to his character, there was one thing that seperated him from everyone else, there was one thing that made his life special, there was one thing that has always stuck out in my mind and lives in my heart, the one thing that I will always remember about my Granddad is how much he was in love with my Nana.
My Nana was the world to him. He treated her exactly like that. The world. He loved her with everything he had, and he showed it. Not just on her birthday, or Christmas, or on their anniversary, my Granddad showed my Nana how much he loved her, each and every day. One day they were taking me to a tournament, I was sitting in the back of the car, we were stuck in traffic, I was babbling on about something and they were both listening intently. When I finally stopped talking, my Granddad acknowledged me, paused, then turned to my Nana, grabbed her hand gently ( he did everything gently) and told her how beautiful she looked. When they got older and their health was getting worse, I remember visiting my Granddad in the hospital and seeing how worn out he was and sad, when the phone rang and it was my Nana he had a sudden burst of energy, he was telling her how much he loved her and how he couldn't wait to get home. I swear my Granddad only got better so that he could go home, to be with my Nana. And there are stories of the growing love they had for each other. He was in love with her, from the day they met, to the day he died.
I've always held on to the idea of 'true love' because of my Granddad. I've always believed that I could find somebody that I would be in love with, everyday, and not have that feeling deteriorate over the years, in fact opposite, that feeling would only grow, exponentially. Like it did for my Granddad. He was crazy in love. Always. I've seen relationships, I see it all around, all evidence shows that it isn't possible, that the best I can hope for is to love someone and have that person love me back. But this 'in love' thing is for youth, and the initail stages in a relationship. You never want to 'jump the person's bones' throughout your whole life. It just doesn't happen. Well, I'm a dreamer. My fighting name isn't "The Dream" for nothing.And just like my dream to become a professional boxer, I want to see if I can defy the odds. So, although I've yet to have a successful relationship and to be 'crazy' in love with someone for ever, I still believe that such a thing can happen, I know it can, because it happened with my Granddad. I've learned so many things from him, but mostly how to treat other people and the care and respect and love that goes into getting to know every person you come in contact with. He was such a special man, I miss him for so many reasons, especially now, selfishly, because I have so many decisions to make, and it makes me think about how many times I need to talk to him.
It makes me sad to think about the last days of my Granddad. When he died, I was an alcoholic, a drug addict, a selfish person. He never got to see me do better, to see me married with children, and to have success, and by success I mean, he never got to see me happy, and I know that's all he ever wanted for me. Although he believed I always had a good heart, he never got to see that character come to fruition,( I myself am still waiting). I was his Grandson, who only called him when things were wrong, when I was drunk, lost a job, dropped out of school, got heartbroken, I never called him to see how HE was doing. I regret these things, it's hard to let them go. My Granddad always made me feel loved, protected, safe. He would always make you feel safe. I remember the first time I was ever in a sauna, I was just a kid. It was so hot, like nothing I ever experienced. I rememeber feeling panicked, worried that if the door was locked and the heat persisted, what would happen? I only had to look over at my Granddad, to feel calm again. he was always calm, and he brought that sense of calmness in everything he did, everywhere he went. I always knew I would be safe with him. Safe, in every way.
All those times I would need to talk to him, to call him up when I was in trouble and didn't know what to do, when it seemed I had no one else to call. I miss him. But looking back, I realized something. All those times I reached out to him in despair, I didn't need him to tell me things were going to get better, I didn't need his advice, I didn't need an ear or a shoulder to cry on, All I really ever wanted, all I ever needed was to hear the sound of his voice.
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Home Sweet Home
I just got back from spending 4 days in New York City, and truthfully I could probably spend the rest of the year blogging about it. One of the best times I've ever had. I've been to Las Vegas 9 times and hands down, NYC kills Vegas. The energy in New York is incredible, you could have an amazing time by simply walking the streets and meeting people. My trip consisted mostly of doing just that, meeting some incredible and interesting people and seeing a city that is so alive with energy, history , nostalgia and life. But the highlite of my trip by far, was visitng 'Gleason's' the legendary boxing gym in Brooklyn...
When I walked into Gleason's it was like being in a Rocky movie, 4 rings, a row of speedbag platforms, punching bags held together with duct tape, and equipment that might've been there from the first time the gym opened, many decades ago. The fighters, all sweat dripping, hard stares, ripped bodies, looking like they haven't eaten in days and you are a piece of Kentucky Fried Chicken. (anyway, that's what I would eat) Hall of Famers have trained there, Zab Judah, Sugar Ray Leonard, Joe Frazier, Ali, Mike Tyson, Roy Jones Jr, the list goes on and on, including Canada's own, the 'Blood and Guts Warrior' Arturo Gatt (also one of my favorite fighters of all time). I got a chance to meet legendary trainer Hector Roca who has worked with many big names in boxing and Hollywood, most importantly trained Gatti for 14 years. I also was blessed to hear some stories from Roca about Gatti, DeLeHoya, and the Greatest Muhammad Ali. I also received some pointers from Roca after he watched me spar 4 rounds with trainer Elmo Serrano.
The sparring was hilarious. although I am used to getting hit a lot and getting the worse end of every round I've ever sparred in, this was a unique experience. We had video of the event and when I got home I watched it over and I counted TWO punches that landed. Serrano landed about two...hundred. At least. I stopped counting after that! But I loved every second of it. The feeling of starting to throw a punch and seeing that your opponent is no longer there midway through the punch is a weird feeling, and knowing that you were going to get hit during the process was also very sensational. But even though I was thoroughly dominated I wasn't discouraged, I know that I will get to that level one day, I just don't know when. Hector and Elmo said pretty much the same things Syd has. I am not relaxed enough, causing me to not move quickly and to fatigue faster. I have a lot of power but it is not used properly and I try to punch too hard everytime. I have some raw ability they said and that they think that I can go far. They had so many positive things to say, and they belived that I have a lot of potential in boxing. Then they found out how old I am! Let's just say they it was pretty funny after that! Gleason's was unreal, I trained there all 3 days, including Monday before my flight, getting up at 5am after going to bed at 3. I loved it, Gleason's, man, I'll never forget it. But as much as I loved training at a legendary gym, getting advice from a legendary trainer, the next day I was back at Destiny's Gym, getting trained by the best trainer in the world Syd Vanderpool, and I was happy to be back in Waterloo, where, I am starting to feel like home...
Syd is going to make this dream of mine come true, I have no doubt. The excitement I feel when I know I have a session with Syd is becoming routine. I think I am over trying to impress him everytime, I know certain things will happen, I'm going to learn, I'm going to be given something to master that I can work on by myself, and I am going to get better. Syd developes champions, not just boxers, he has a reputation to live up to, I'm not going to be the one that hurts that reputation. In fact, I believe quite the opposite, I believe I will be one of Syd's greatest accomplshments. I wouldn't be here otherwise. So it was back to work. I'm starting to get what Syd is looking for from me, what he wants to see. Slowly but surely, I know he has a plan, I'm trying to be patient(I'm sure Syd would disagree, as I ask him every 10 minutes when I can have a fight!), I'm getting things, slowly, but I'm getting them. And slowly Syd and I are developing a bond, a boxer- trainer bond that is essential to success. We're also becoming friends. And, in life,as one knows, a friend is to be valued and treasured, as a TRUE friend is hard to come by. And when you put your health, your well being, your LIFE in the hands of your trainer, it is a good thing when you trust him with those things, it is a good thing if he is your friend. We're going to do this together, I know it in my heart. So I am home, where I should be, where I belong, making all my dreams happen, with Syd at Destiny's. Syd is my guy, I am home.
When I walked into Gleason's it was like being in a Rocky movie, 4 rings, a row of speedbag platforms, punching bags held together with duct tape, and equipment that might've been there from the first time the gym opened, many decades ago. The fighters, all sweat dripping, hard stares, ripped bodies, looking like they haven't eaten in days and you are a piece of Kentucky Fried Chicken. (anyway, that's what I would eat) Hall of Famers have trained there, Zab Judah, Sugar Ray Leonard, Joe Frazier, Ali, Mike Tyson, Roy Jones Jr, the list goes on and on, including Canada's own, the 'Blood and Guts Warrior' Arturo Gatt (also one of my favorite fighters of all time). I got a chance to meet legendary trainer Hector Roca who has worked with many big names in boxing and Hollywood, most importantly trained Gatti for 14 years. I also was blessed to hear some stories from Roca about Gatti, DeLeHoya, and the Greatest Muhammad Ali. I also received some pointers from Roca after he watched me spar 4 rounds with trainer Elmo Serrano.
The sparring was hilarious. although I am used to getting hit a lot and getting the worse end of every round I've ever sparred in, this was a unique experience. We had video of the event and when I got home I watched it over and I counted TWO punches that landed. Serrano landed about two...hundred. At least. I stopped counting after that! But I loved every second of it. The feeling of starting to throw a punch and seeing that your opponent is no longer there midway through the punch is a weird feeling, and knowing that you were going to get hit during the process was also very sensational. But even though I was thoroughly dominated I wasn't discouraged, I know that I will get to that level one day, I just don't know when. Hector and Elmo said pretty much the same things Syd has. I am not relaxed enough, causing me to not move quickly and to fatigue faster. I have a lot of power but it is not used properly and I try to punch too hard everytime. I have some raw ability they said and that they think that I can go far. They had so many positive things to say, and they belived that I have a lot of potential in boxing. Then they found out how old I am! Let's just say they it was pretty funny after that! Gleason's was unreal, I trained there all 3 days, including Monday before my flight, getting up at 5am after going to bed at 3. I loved it, Gleason's, man, I'll never forget it. But as much as I loved training at a legendary gym, getting advice from a legendary trainer, the next day I was back at Destiny's Gym, getting trained by the best trainer in the world Syd Vanderpool, and I was happy to be back in Waterloo, where, I am starting to feel like home...
Syd is going to make this dream of mine come true, I have no doubt. The excitement I feel when I know I have a session with Syd is becoming routine. I think I am over trying to impress him everytime, I know certain things will happen, I'm going to learn, I'm going to be given something to master that I can work on by myself, and I am going to get better. Syd developes champions, not just boxers, he has a reputation to live up to, I'm not going to be the one that hurts that reputation. In fact, I believe quite the opposite, I believe I will be one of Syd's greatest accomplshments. I wouldn't be here otherwise. So it was back to work. I'm starting to get what Syd is looking for from me, what he wants to see. Slowly but surely, I know he has a plan, I'm trying to be patient(I'm sure Syd would disagree, as I ask him every 10 minutes when I can have a fight!), I'm getting things, slowly, but I'm getting them. And slowly Syd and I are developing a bond, a boxer- trainer bond that is essential to success. We're also becoming friends. And, in life,as one knows, a friend is to be valued and treasured, as a TRUE friend is hard to come by. And when you put your health, your well being, your LIFE in the hands of your trainer, it is a good thing when you trust him with those things, it is a good thing if he is your friend. We're going to do this together, I know it in my heart. So I am home, where I should be, where I belong, making all my dreams happen, with Syd at Destiny's. Syd is my guy, I am home.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Momma Said...
It's an elating process. I know what time I will go to the gym. When I start getting ready to leave the house, it begins. The rush. I'm excited. Happy. The drive takes a little more than half an hour. No music, I'll use the time to visualize what I will be doing at the gym. In my visualization, I'm moving beautifully, footwork is exact, punching crisply, attacking, dodging, slipping. My hands are heavy when I strike but light when I'm moving. My stomach tight, able to absorb any pain. Syd is instructing, and I am picking up his instruction and executing on request. I'm a boxer, a perfect boxer. I arrive at the gym, put my shoes on, handwraps are next. Once the wraps are on I jump rope. As soon as my body is glazed with sweat, I'm "in it". I'm ready, focused on doing everything I visualized doing. My energy is so high at this point, I am so far removed from anything else in my life. My family, friends, career, women, finances, all the troubles in my past, they're all gone. I'm not a son, I'm not a manager, I'm not a brother , an uncle, a cousin, a friend. I'm nothing but a boxer, a perfect boxer. If I won the lottery, if god granted me one wish, if there was anything, any place, any gift, any prize I could have, I would choose to be one place with one person, At the gym, with Syd, learning how to box. I've never experienced a bad day in the gym. Sure I've had days when something is off, but my mind and concentration are always where they need to be. Even when I am alone, training in my garage, I'm 'in it', focused. I'm not focused like that anywhere else in my life. When I am at work, I do me best to focus on what I need to do to run the shift, but my mind is always on boxing, especially when there is time to relax and we are not busy. When I am out socially it is even worse, my mind is never in the moment, I can never enjoy the company I am with because my mind is elsewhere. I'm in the gym. Feeling guilty knowing that I am wasting my time, and should be somewhere else, practising. Most times I force myself to go out and be social because I'm desperately searching for that 'balance' in my life. But the truth is, I don't see the point anymore. My mind and heart are only ever in one place
Yesterday was a bad day. I knew I had a session with Syd at 2. My mind was not where it needed to be from the moment I woke up. Lately it has been bad, so I thought I would get my 'roadwork' (running) out of the way and burn off some demons before I saw Syd. I got in the car and couldn't get my mind right. I couldn't visualize anything about boxing, my mind was on other problems. So I put music on to stop thinking about it. I couldn't tell you one song that played on my ipod. Shoes, handwraps, skipping done. I'm sweating, I should be ready, I should be 'in it', focused. But my mind is elsewhere, I'm not focused at all. On top of that, my legs are heavy. And it shows. Halfway through, Syd stops. He knows I'm off. He's not really concerned with the why, but more concerned on dealing with it. We both agree that this is an opportunity, a chance to overcome some adversity and be better. And that's what we did. I was still not at my best, but I was better. So something positive came out of it. Something positive always does. Syd and I talk a bit after and he tells me some of his beliefs. Things don't happen by accident, he believes we met for a reason, he tells me that we are going to do great things, Syd is not a man of many words. When he speaks, he's sincere, engaging. So I take these words to heart. I leave happy.
It doesn't last. I'm totally discouraged. It is the first time that I allowed anything to bother me while training. I wonder if my 'safe' heaven isn't safe anymore. If this will happen again. What will I do? I'm on my way to work now, where I have to shift my focus again. To add to my discontentment, some co-workers notice that something is wrong. Is it that visisble? Not good. There are tons of things that have to get done now, the board, shift meeting, party resos, new staff, the plumber, the schedule, line check, 86 items, interviews, call backs, guest complaints, voids, the list is growing. I'm getting hit with everthing, I have things to do, and my fuckin' head is at the gym, wondering why my footwork was so bad after practising it for countless hours in the last week.
The day ends. I recap. And my mind only wants to rehearse one thing. The words of Syd, "we're going to do great things".
Yesterday was a bad day. I knew I had a session with Syd at 2. My mind was not where it needed to be from the moment I woke up. Lately it has been bad, so I thought I would get my 'roadwork' (running) out of the way and burn off some demons before I saw Syd. I got in the car and couldn't get my mind right. I couldn't visualize anything about boxing, my mind was on other problems. So I put music on to stop thinking about it. I couldn't tell you one song that played on my ipod. Shoes, handwraps, skipping done. I'm sweating, I should be ready, I should be 'in it', focused. But my mind is elsewhere, I'm not focused at all. On top of that, my legs are heavy. And it shows. Halfway through, Syd stops. He knows I'm off. He's not really concerned with the why, but more concerned on dealing with it. We both agree that this is an opportunity, a chance to overcome some adversity and be better. And that's what we did. I was still not at my best, but I was better. So something positive came out of it. Something positive always does. Syd and I talk a bit after and he tells me some of his beliefs. Things don't happen by accident, he believes we met for a reason, he tells me that we are going to do great things, Syd is not a man of many words. When he speaks, he's sincere, engaging. So I take these words to heart. I leave happy.
It doesn't last. I'm totally discouraged. It is the first time that I allowed anything to bother me while training. I wonder if my 'safe' heaven isn't safe anymore. If this will happen again. What will I do? I'm on my way to work now, where I have to shift my focus again. To add to my discontentment, some co-workers notice that something is wrong. Is it that visisble? Not good. There are tons of things that have to get done now, the board, shift meeting, party resos, new staff, the plumber, the schedule, line check, 86 items, interviews, call backs, guest complaints, voids, the list is growing. I'm getting hit with everthing, I have things to do, and my fuckin' head is at the gym, wondering why my footwork was so bad after practising it for countless hours in the last week.
The day ends. I recap. And my mind only wants to rehearse one thing. The words of Syd, "we're going to do great things".
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Bliss
The last 2 days have been great at Destiny's Gym. On friday I got a chance to do some light sparring drills with a few different guys. I felt great. I probably didn't LOOK that great actually but I felt great. In the hour, if I had to guess, there were probably 200 punches thrown at my head and I blocked every single one of them...with my face. It's true, I'm a decent puncher for sure but my defence is terrible. There is no easy way to put it. If you threw a beachball at me from 20 yards away I think it would find it's way to my face. The good news is I took the shots well. Although, we weren't sparring to kill each other, the guys I was up against were bigger and stronger than me and I took the punches well, my head feels fine as does my neck. It wasn't a frustrating experince really, I know I am rusty I haven't sparred since November. My arms were a little sore and lazy from throwing so many jabs in the last few days and were down much of the time, allowing the guys to land some nice clean shots. I landed too, but I wasn't too concerned with doing that. It just felt good to get in there and take some punches again. I got a long way to go there is no doubt, and I know that Syd won't let me fight until he feels that I am ready, I'm sure he wasn't too impressed with what he saw on friday, but hey, like I tell everybody, I box yes, but I never said I was any good at it! Saturday I would have another one-on-one session with Syd, maybe I can show him something...
My main goal on a day-to-day basis is to improve, especially in areas that Syd has gone over with me. I know Syd probably has an idea of the pace that I will improve at but he doesn't really know how hard I will work. If he asks me to practice something 50 times, I will practice it 500. If he tells me to work on my footwork for half an hour a day, I will do it for 2 hours. He's seen and heard it all before I'm sure. So the only way I can show Syd how serious and dedicated I am to my dream, is to improve at a rapid pace. The only way to do that is repitition. Repition equals hard work. In my mind I knew this from the start of my journey. Everyone, absolutely everyone is younger, quicker, more experienced and skilled than I. There's only one category I can win cleanly at, the effort category. I have to work harder than anyone. I have be more dedicated and determined than any of my competition. I've always known this. I know that may be the only advantage I can get. Anyway, it was very encourging when Syd told me that I will be ready for my first fight much sooner than he anticipated! This due to the amount of work I've done since our last session and the improvements he saw. To be 'fight' ready my footwork needs to be at least an 8 out of 10. Syd puts me at about a 4 right now. So overall, I'm happy, I know I will continue to improve at a rapid pace, so the 4 doesn't bother me at all, who knows, we might be a 10 by the end of the week.
So the last 2 days were great, I can't wait until I'm there full time, everyday. I can't describe the feeling of being there. And when I step into the ring to do ANYTHING, drilling, beatdowns, shadowing, footwork, sparring, it doesn't even matter, I feel like a different person, I feel completely happy. I have no worries, no demons, no stress. I feel like a kid whose only concern is to run ouside all day, and play.
My main goal on a day-to-day basis is to improve, especially in areas that Syd has gone over with me. I know Syd probably has an idea of the pace that I will improve at but he doesn't really know how hard I will work. If he asks me to practice something 50 times, I will practice it 500. If he tells me to work on my footwork for half an hour a day, I will do it for 2 hours. He's seen and heard it all before I'm sure. So the only way I can show Syd how serious and dedicated I am to my dream, is to improve at a rapid pace. The only way to do that is repitition. Repition equals hard work. In my mind I knew this from the start of my journey. Everyone, absolutely everyone is younger, quicker, more experienced and skilled than I. There's only one category I can win cleanly at, the effort category. I have to work harder than anyone. I have be more dedicated and determined than any of my competition. I've always known this. I know that may be the only advantage I can get. Anyway, it was very encourging when Syd told me that I will be ready for my first fight much sooner than he anticipated! This due to the amount of work I've done since our last session and the improvements he saw. To be 'fight' ready my footwork needs to be at least an 8 out of 10. Syd puts me at about a 4 right now. So overall, I'm happy, I know I will continue to improve at a rapid pace, so the 4 doesn't bother me at all, who knows, we might be a 10 by the end of the week.
So the last 2 days were great, I can't wait until I'm there full time, everyday. I can't describe the feeling of being there. And when I step into the ring to do ANYTHING, drilling, beatdowns, shadowing, footwork, sparring, it doesn't even matter, I feel like a different person, I feel completely happy. I have no worries, no demons, no stress. I feel like a kid whose only concern is to run ouside all day, and play.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
One Love
I'm up late, having trouble sleeping. I had the day off work, and spent a good portion of the day working on my jab. Shadowing, slow motion, in front of the mirror, gloves on, gloves off, hitting the bag, I must've thrown 1500 jabs today. After Syd made the adjustments, it has been on my mind, I know that repitition is the only way to improve quickly, I also worked on my breathing, but not as much as my jab. I probably over did it, I can barely raise my arm.
I also had too much time on my hands. I woke up this mornning with a lot of anxiety. This isn't uncommon, and it is so second nature for me now, I know exactly what to do when it happens. I have the benefit of experience, I know it will go away. There's no need to get emotional about it (although admittedly sometimes I still do), I just have to get moving, get out of bed make my list of things to do for the day and get to it. I usually start every morning with a walk, I'll walk to the grocery store and get some breakfast and walk back. By that time, I'm usually better. Today it didn't work so much. I've got a lot on my mind these days.
The blog is an interesting thing for me, it's an on going inner conflict. It's an obvious thing to say 'why do it if you don't want to?' 'why reveal yourself this way?' 'It isn't neccessary to tell people about your personal life'. The problem with me is that I will decide to blog and I don't really have anything planned, I just write. Sometimes I go off and I can't help myself, I'll just start typing from the heart, something I'm really feeling at the time, I'll post, read it again, and many times regret it. Then I'll get a personal message from an old friend, or maybe even someone I don't know, telling me that they were inspired, or that they can relate to something, maybe they know someone that is or has gone through the same stuggles as I have. Or they'll tell me that they decided to start something they've always wanted to do, after reading my blog. So although I often have my doubts about what I'm doing, I get inspired by others so often, I receive so much energy from it, it helps me go on, and in my heart I know that there are reasons why I blog, other than the obvious.
We are all the same. We have all gone through tough times, we have all lost loved ones, we all struggle with life, we all need love, we all want to belong to something, to be a part of something good. We all have dreams. I have always tried to be honest with the blog, I think in the past I always felt pressure to write something inspiring, instead of just writing something honest. Going the honest route is tough sometimes, it's depressing, it's hard to show your vulnerability. The fact is, sometimes I feel totally lost, and sad. Writing about your feelings is one thing, talking about it is another. The other day a co-worker asked me a question about something I wrote, I instantly felt tears rush to my eyes and a lump in my throat, I told her that I was sorry that I couldn't talk about it and walked away to compose myself. I realized, I'm not ready to deal with certain things in my past. Can I heal through writing? I don't know. I'm also aware that I have co-workers that read my blog and there is a line I can't neccessarily cross. I have to maintain a level of professionalism and leadership, I'm not sure where that line is in revealing my emotions. But brutal honesty is really the only way that this blog will do what it is intended to, so I guess I will just continue to write from the heart. I've learned that for myself, it's the only way.
So being inspirational is not any part of a plan, being honest is. And today I felt shitty, but on the good side it made me throw jabs until my arm was exhausted and I also had someone special txt me to let me know she was there for me, like many of you are. There for me. I know this journey can feel lonely at times, but I know that I am not alone, none of us are. And I know that my mission is no different than anyone elses mission, we're all just trying to live life the best way we know how, to be the best people we can be without hurting anyone else. In this belief, I don't feel alone at all. I feel like we're all the same. I feel like I can go on, and wake up tomorrow and do what I set out to do, chase my dream. And in doing so, share my efforts, with you.
I also had too much time on my hands. I woke up this mornning with a lot of anxiety. This isn't uncommon, and it is so second nature for me now, I know exactly what to do when it happens. I have the benefit of experience, I know it will go away. There's no need to get emotional about it (although admittedly sometimes I still do), I just have to get moving, get out of bed make my list of things to do for the day and get to it. I usually start every morning with a walk, I'll walk to the grocery store and get some breakfast and walk back. By that time, I'm usually better. Today it didn't work so much. I've got a lot on my mind these days.
The blog is an interesting thing for me, it's an on going inner conflict. It's an obvious thing to say 'why do it if you don't want to?' 'why reveal yourself this way?' 'It isn't neccessary to tell people about your personal life'. The problem with me is that I will decide to blog and I don't really have anything planned, I just write. Sometimes I go off and I can't help myself, I'll just start typing from the heart, something I'm really feeling at the time, I'll post, read it again, and many times regret it. Then I'll get a personal message from an old friend, or maybe even someone I don't know, telling me that they were inspired, or that they can relate to something, maybe they know someone that is or has gone through the same stuggles as I have. Or they'll tell me that they decided to start something they've always wanted to do, after reading my blog. So although I often have my doubts about what I'm doing, I get inspired by others so often, I receive so much energy from it, it helps me go on, and in my heart I know that there are reasons why I blog, other than the obvious.
We are all the same. We have all gone through tough times, we have all lost loved ones, we all struggle with life, we all need love, we all want to belong to something, to be a part of something good. We all have dreams. I have always tried to be honest with the blog, I think in the past I always felt pressure to write something inspiring, instead of just writing something honest. Going the honest route is tough sometimes, it's depressing, it's hard to show your vulnerability. The fact is, sometimes I feel totally lost, and sad. Writing about your feelings is one thing, talking about it is another. The other day a co-worker asked me a question about something I wrote, I instantly felt tears rush to my eyes and a lump in my throat, I told her that I was sorry that I couldn't talk about it and walked away to compose myself. I realized, I'm not ready to deal with certain things in my past. Can I heal through writing? I don't know. I'm also aware that I have co-workers that read my blog and there is a line I can't neccessarily cross. I have to maintain a level of professionalism and leadership, I'm not sure where that line is in revealing my emotions. But brutal honesty is really the only way that this blog will do what it is intended to, so I guess I will just continue to write from the heart. I've learned that for myself, it's the only way.
So being inspirational is not any part of a plan, being honest is. And today I felt shitty, but on the good side it made me throw jabs until my arm was exhausted and I also had someone special txt me to let me know she was there for me, like many of you are. There for me. I know this journey can feel lonely at times, but I know that I am not alone, none of us are. And I know that my mission is no different than anyone elses mission, we're all just trying to live life the best way we know how, to be the best people we can be without hurting anyone else. In this belief, I don't feel alone at all. I feel like we're all the same. I feel like I can go on, and wake up tomorrow and do what I set out to do, chase my dream. And in doing so, share my efforts, with you.
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