It's an elating process. I know what time I will go to the gym. When I start getting ready to leave the house, it begins. The rush. I'm excited. Happy. The drive takes a little more than half an hour. No music, I'll use the time to visualize what I will be doing at the gym. In my visualization, I'm moving beautifully, footwork is exact, punching crisply, attacking, dodging, slipping. My hands are heavy when I strike but light when I'm moving. My stomach tight, able to absorb any pain. Syd is instructing, and I am picking up his instruction and executing on request. I'm a boxer, a perfect boxer. I arrive at the gym, put my shoes on, handwraps are next. Once the wraps are on I jump rope. As soon as my body is glazed with sweat, I'm "in it". I'm ready, focused on doing everything I visualized doing. My energy is so high at this point, I am so far removed from anything else in my life. My family, friends, career, women, finances, all the troubles in my past, they're all gone. I'm not a son, I'm not a manager, I'm not a brother , an uncle, a cousin, a friend. I'm nothing but a boxer, a perfect boxer. If I won the lottery, if god granted me one wish, if there was anything, any place, any gift, any prize I could have, I would choose to be one place with one person, At the gym, with Syd, learning how to box. I've never experienced a bad day in the gym. Sure I've had days when something is off, but my mind and concentration are always where they need to be. Even when I am alone, training in my garage, I'm 'in it', focused. I'm not focused like that anywhere else in my life. When I am at work, I do me best to focus on what I need to do to run the shift, but my mind is always on boxing, especially when there is time to relax and we are not busy. When I am out socially it is even worse, my mind is never in the moment, I can never enjoy the company I am with because my mind is elsewhere. I'm in the gym. Feeling guilty knowing that I am wasting my time, and should be somewhere else, practising. Most times I force myself to go out and be social because I'm desperately searching for that 'balance' in my life. But the truth is, I don't see the point anymore. My mind and heart are only ever in one place
Yesterday was a bad day. I knew I had a session with Syd at 2. My mind was not where it needed to be from the moment I woke up. Lately it has been bad, so I thought I would get my 'roadwork' (running) out of the way and burn off some demons before I saw Syd. I got in the car and couldn't get my mind right. I couldn't visualize anything about boxing, my mind was on other problems. So I put music on to stop thinking about it. I couldn't tell you one song that played on my ipod. Shoes, handwraps, skipping done. I'm sweating, I should be ready, I should be 'in it', focused. But my mind is elsewhere, I'm not focused at all. On top of that, my legs are heavy. And it shows. Halfway through, Syd stops. He knows I'm off. He's not really concerned with the why, but more concerned on dealing with it. We both agree that this is an opportunity, a chance to overcome some adversity and be better. And that's what we did. I was still not at my best, but I was better. So something positive came out of it. Something positive always does. Syd and I talk a bit after and he tells me some of his beliefs. Things don't happen by accident, he believes we met for a reason, he tells me that we are going to do great things, Syd is not a man of many words. When he speaks, he's sincere, engaging. So I take these words to heart. I leave happy.
It doesn't last. I'm totally discouraged. It is the first time that I allowed anything to bother me while training. I wonder if my 'safe' heaven isn't safe anymore. If this will happen again. What will I do? I'm on my way to work now, where I have to shift my focus again. To add to my discontentment, some co-workers notice that something is wrong. Is it that visisble? Not good. There are tons of things that have to get done now, the board, shift meeting, party resos, new staff, the plumber, the schedule, line check, 86 items, interviews, call backs, guest complaints, voids, the list is growing. I'm getting hit with everthing, I have things to do, and my fuckin' head is at the gym, wondering why my footwork was so bad after practising it for countless hours in the last week.
The day ends. I recap. And my mind only wants to rehearse one thing. The words of Syd, "we're going to do great things".
