I want to clear something up very quickly before I get into what I want to blog about. I've received many messages from 'loyal' friends that feel that I won the fight yesterday. While I appreciate the support and loyalty, you must all undestand that you must seperate that from the judgement of the fight. I didn't win. Plain and simple. Loudest cheers don't get you points with judges! My opponent won in all categories, He controlled the pace, was the aggressor, landed more shots, landed more power punches and inflicted more damage. My own cousins, trainers, and teammates all concede to these facts. Sometimes you see what you want to see, you wanted to see me win, so you saw the punches I landed and they were amplified in your mind, but I assure you, I definitely didn't win the fight. In fact I was a little nervous before they announced the winner, sometimes judges get influenced by the crowd and the winner gets some "hometown' gift and gets the decision, you see it all the time,but I'm glad that didn't happen, I wouldn't want a victory that way, it would've been bad for the sport and Ontario Boxing , and I wouldn't want to be part of something like that. Ian won the fight, fair and square and clear, so everyone put your minds and hearts to rest, the right call was made.
I was very emotional. I'm an emotional person. I apologize if my tears made anyone feel uncomfortable, that's just the way I am, win OR lose. I put so much ino boxing. I've worked extremely hard at it. I put everything into this training camp. I made the weight again, I got so many sparring rds in that I was forced to take more recovery days than I normally would, I had injuries(every boxers has injuries...24/7), I had stuff going on in my personal life(isn't that always the case with everyone!), I knew my opponent was faster, stronger, more experienced than me going in. This fight had been built up for a while. So when it was over, I do what I've become accustomed to, a tool I've used to help me stay sober, I just let everything go. I let everything out. It's funny that I used to play poker for a living! Because I have no 'poker face' now! Happy, sad, angry, emotional, you don't ever have to guess how I'm feeling, I wear my heart on my sleeve, you'll know. So there were so many factors leading to my emotional reaction, but if you know me, it isn't anything new. I had friends come see me from so many facets of my life, I had support there from all angles, there were my Beertown Fam, my cousins, co-workers,my neighbors, The Barnes family. The list goes on, I actually can't even list everyone there. My best friends from grade 8 were even there(I hadn't seen 1 in over 20 years), supporters from my blog that have been there right from the beginning, through it all. Truthfully though only about 20% of the people that said they were coming did! But I was extremely grateful, the ovation was tremendous, something I'll never forget.The BBSV community and my teammates and ALL the guys I've had sparring wars with, I really didn't want to let them down. I have so much love and respect for them, that I am always trying to be worthy of their company, I want them to be proud that I'm a teammate, I want to represent them and Syd. It was my first time having Saul in my corner and I really wanted to get the win for him. For most people, it would be the first time they would see me fight. My dad was there. I can't really get into the details, but let's just say it meant a lot to me that he came. After all these years,43 to be exact. To have him there to see me do what I was born to do. After everything I've put him through. I've waited 43 years, and so has he, to see me happy. When I'm in the ring I'm not alone. The demons I carry are always there too, and the significant people I've lost in my life, they are all there, weighing my heart down. I'm an emotional person, give me all those factors, let me sit on it for a month...when that fight was over there were going to be tears, win, lose or draw, sorry.
I wanted to thank all those who came to support me and my team, it was a day I will never forget. I also want to credit my opponent Ian Vasquez, he fought with determination and heart and will, I aspire to fight with his spirit, congrats Ian, you deserve it. You deserve to eat the junk food too! Although I didn't win, I did the same thing I set out to do at GoldenGloves, when the bell rang to end the fight, I had nothing left to throw, I left it all out there.
Monday, October 28, 2013
Monday, October 14, 2013
FINALLY!
It definitely has not been an easy journey. If you were to tell me 3 years ago that I would only have ONE competitive fight under my belt at this time, well, I wouldn't believe you. When I hooked up with Syd, I knew my boxing journey would never be the same. I was in good hands, I knew deep down that I was going to be able to pursue my dreams. I never thought it would be this good. Syd as my head trainer, Shawn Murray in charge of my progress, Lucas Rowe, the technical guru, Denton Daley, my mentor, Jarrod Guille the experienced liver killing specialist, Erika Gmeindl, the strength and conditioning coach, Derek Lacey the passionate knowledge. Not to mention all the competitive boxers that help me on a regular basis. If I don't achieve my goals in boxing, there's no way I could blame anybody but myself. Syd's gym has given me everything I could ever ask for and more.
My first competitive boxing experience wasn't supposed to be Golden Gloves. It was something I didn't even have in my scope. During that weekend I really didn't know what to think. Here I was living my dream, I was finally going to compete, I was going to box, something I had waited my entire life for. It was so emotional for me. But I couldn't get too caught up in that, I was too busy starving my ass off trying to make weight! And the one thing I wasn't counting on was how enjoyable my experience with my team would be. I had never really been a part of anything like it. It was special, something I will always treasure for the rest of my life. After my fight, I was overwhelmed, I did it. I finally did it. I just couldn't believe it. Some people I'm sure were a little confused by all the tears, but I just couldn't help it, the fact that I won the Gold medal had nothing to do with it, I couldn't care less. I competed, I boxed. It was the happiest moment of my life. And to be part of Team Destiny, to be a part of this amazing team of youngsters, I took that experience with me more than my own individual triumph.
After my fight(which was in April) we were on our way. I sat down with Syd and the plan was laid out. We were going to get as many fights in, get as much 'ring' experience we can, and chase the dream to turn professional. My May fight fell through, then my June 16 fight was met with disaster, and the event that ruined my summer, I fractured my ribs in 2 places in sparring, it put me out for almost 10 weeks, and was my 4th cracked rib in less than a year and a half. Adversity. Well, all that is done now, I'm back in business, with a fight in my 'hometown', against an opponent that I wasn't qualified enough to fight in June. I've worked hard, made my most significant improvements since I've started, and I feel like I'm ready. It has been a whirlwind journey, a whirlwind year, a whirlwind summer, hell, the last month has been chaotic! Every area in my life has suffered, except the boxing. So, I've put a lot of pressure on myself to perform well, in front of my family, friends, my team, the community, and my BBSV family. I hope I can deliver.
So I hope myself and my teammates get a lot of support, I know that I will appreciate anybody that comes out to support the event. This entertainment is unquestionably great value. Where else can you watch a bunch of great boxers, willing to demonstrate their skill with class and heart, willing to lay it all on the line for themselves, their team and their community.
My first competitive boxing experience wasn't supposed to be Golden Gloves. It was something I didn't even have in my scope. During that weekend I really didn't know what to think. Here I was living my dream, I was finally going to compete, I was going to box, something I had waited my entire life for. It was so emotional for me. But I couldn't get too caught up in that, I was too busy starving my ass off trying to make weight! And the one thing I wasn't counting on was how enjoyable my experience with my team would be. I had never really been a part of anything like it. It was special, something I will always treasure for the rest of my life. After my fight, I was overwhelmed, I did it. I finally did it. I just couldn't believe it. Some people I'm sure were a little confused by all the tears, but I just couldn't help it, the fact that I won the Gold medal had nothing to do with it, I couldn't care less. I competed, I boxed. It was the happiest moment of my life. And to be part of Team Destiny, to be a part of this amazing team of youngsters, I took that experience with me more than my own individual triumph.
After my fight(which was in April) we were on our way. I sat down with Syd and the plan was laid out. We were going to get as many fights in, get as much 'ring' experience we can, and chase the dream to turn professional. My May fight fell through, then my June 16 fight was met with disaster, and the event that ruined my summer, I fractured my ribs in 2 places in sparring, it put me out for almost 10 weeks, and was my 4th cracked rib in less than a year and a half. Adversity. Well, all that is done now, I'm back in business, with a fight in my 'hometown', against an opponent that I wasn't qualified enough to fight in June. I've worked hard, made my most significant improvements since I've started, and I feel like I'm ready. It has been a whirlwind journey, a whirlwind year, a whirlwind summer, hell, the last month has been chaotic! Every area in my life has suffered, except the boxing. So, I've put a lot of pressure on myself to perform well, in front of my family, friends, my team, the community, and my BBSV family. I hope I can deliver.
So I hope myself and my teammates get a lot of support, I know that I will appreciate anybody that comes out to support the event. This entertainment is unquestionably great value. Where else can you watch a bunch of great boxers, willing to demonstrate their skill with class and heart, willing to lay it all on the line for themselves, their team and their community.
Sunday, August 4, 2013
A Celebration
At this time in my life, it's all about moving forward for me. One of my biggest 'crutches' has always been getting stuck in the past and not letting go. These days however, I feel I've made great efforts to focus my life on the future and living in the moment. I'm not a big one for birthdays or xmas, I think everyday should be celebrated and there shouldn't be a specific time or season when we should treat each other better and be in the "xmas spirit". But I recognize that milestones and land mark days are nice, and they do give us all an opportunity to share special moments with one another. Today is August 4th, I have been clean and sober for 5 years now...
I remember when I was in rehab, wow difficult it was for me to understand MY condition. Although all of us were obvious addicts, I was somewhat in a unique situation and different from most of the guys in the program. They all seemed to have many things in common, there were so many things that I didn't understand and couldn't relate to, I almost left 2 days in. We would sit and have group talks, and although I would speak at my turn, I wasn't really telling anyone anything significant to the cause, but in my defence I was trying to figure out what was going on myself! Then one day when it was my turn to speak, it just happened, I started telling everyone about my life, about my family, friends, the past, loves, tennis, EVERYTHING. It became emotional, I let everything go. Fuck. Although it felt like I should be embarrassed, I was ok, I looked around the room and it seemed that everyone else was crying with me, I felt a lot closer to the guys, I shared things with them that I never shared with anyone in my life, and they in return also 'shared'. Then I started understanding my condition and how I became an alcoholic and a drug addict, I began to understand how I became so uncomfortable in my own skin, why I was on a path to destroy myself. I began to see the reasons for everything. Especially the reasons why I couldn't use anymore. I had to quit. Everything. If I wanted to live my life the way I wanted to, it had to be without alcohol, and drugs. But to go the REST of my life without EVER doing it again? This was a difficult proposition. An impossible one to me.
There are many slogans in AA. Cliches if you will. They all help, different ones for different people. On Facebook you see people post positive reinforcement quotes all the time, they're all great, but some will resonate more with you than others. Some will stick out, change your way of thinking, forever. OR, maybe just for that day. I remember telling one of the counselors there that I couldn't see myself going the REST OF MY LIFE without drinking ever again. His response I will never forget, it became the one slogan that changed my way of living, he said that I didn't have to worry about staying clean the rest of my life, I only had to worry about today. One day at a time. It stuck with me. And to this day, when I write my list of goals for the day, the first one on the list is STAY SOBER, STAY CLEAN. And for the last 5 years, there's been a check mark everytime it has been written down.
Who knows what life will bring. I think the one gift that sobriety has given me has been to treasure each and every moment in it's own place. To value everyone that comes into my life, and to treasure the time you have with them. To celebrate everybody in my life. You just never know when that collection of people will ever happen again. I'm an emotional person. I cry. Since rehab, it's impossible for me to keep things in, I shed tears all the time, especially in happy moments. But, that's how I roll, I'm ok with it. It's me. Today is an emotional day for me. It's a happy landmark day, I've been clean and sober for 5 years. There are so many things for me to be grateful and happy for. One thing especially great about August 4th...it's my niece's birthday!
I remember when I was in rehab, wow difficult it was for me to understand MY condition. Although all of us were obvious addicts, I was somewhat in a unique situation and different from most of the guys in the program. They all seemed to have many things in common, there were so many things that I didn't understand and couldn't relate to, I almost left 2 days in. We would sit and have group talks, and although I would speak at my turn, I wasn't really telling anyone anything significant to the cause, but in my defence I was trying to figure out what was going on myself! Then one day when it was my turn to speak, it just happened, I started telling everyone about my life, about my family, friends, the past, loves, tennis, EVERYTHING. It became emotional, I let everything go. Fuck. Although it felt like I should be embarrassed, I was ok, I looked around the room and it seemed that everyone else was crying with me, I felt a lot closer to the guys, I shared things with them that I never shared with anyone in my life, and they in return also 'shared'. Then I started understanding my condition and how I became an alcoholic and a drug addict, I began to understand how I became so uncomfortable in my own skin, why I was on a path to destroy myself. I began to see the reasons for everything. Especially the reasons why I couldn't use anymore. I had to quit. Everything. If I wanted to live my life the way I wanted to, it had to be without alcohol, and drugs. But to go the REST of my life without EVER doing it again? This was a difficult proposition. An impossible one to me.
There are many slogans in AA. Cliches if you will. They all help, different ones for different people. On Facebook you see people post positive reinforcement quotes all the time, they're all great, but some will resonate more with you than others. Some will stick out, change your way of thinking, forever. OR, maybe just for that day. I remember telling one of the counselors there that I couldn't see myself going the REST OF MY LIFE without drinking ever again. His response I will never forget, it became the one slogan that changed my way of living, he said that I didn't have to worry about staying clean the rest of my life, I only had to worry about today. One day at a time. It stuck with me. And to this day, when I write my list of goals for the day, the first one on the list is STAY SOBER, STAY CLEAN. And for the last 5 years, there's been a check mark everytime it has been written down.
Who knows what life will bring. I think the one gift that sobriety has given me has been to treasure each and every moment in it's own place. To value everyone that comes into my life, and to treasure the time you have with them. To celebrate everybody in my life. You just never know when that collection of people will ever happen again. I'm an emotional person. I cry. Since rehab, it's impossible for me to keep things in, I shed tears all the time, especially in happy moments. But, that's how I roll, I'm ok with it. It's me. Today is an emotional day for me. It's a happy landmark day, I've been clean and sober for 5 years. There are so many things for me to be grateful and happy for. One thing especially great about August 4th...it's my niece's birthday!
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
The Journey Continues
So back it again. My blog, my never-ending struggle. To stop, to return, to resume, to leave. I always have my reasons to write and my belief in doing it. Then, I always have my reasons to stop and never write again. I guess these days I'm trying to not read too much into it, I'm too deep of a person for my own good, the truth, as best as I know it, has really been the best way to go, and in the end I try to deliver it, with no other purpose then to actually, tell the truth. Once again, I've gone a long time without blogging. My blog since it's inception has taken on many meanings, themes and purposes, I've really given up trying to make sense of it all, let's just say the blog is really what it should've always been, just a simple documentation and journal of my journey to pursue my dream in becoming the best competitive boxer I can be. I've tried to keep my blog simple, and focus on the boxing, and keep my personal life out of it. I 've come to the realization that in order to continue to write my blog consistently, it is impossible to keep my personal life separate from my boxing journey. My boxing journey IS my personal life, and everything that happens to me personally, affects my boxing, everything. I am too emotional of a person to have it any other way. So much of my existence is dependent on energy, so much of that energy comes from my emotions. Sounds crazy to some I'm sure, to me, it's math. I understand myself better than I ever have at any point in my life, I understand my nature, I accept it now. The truth is, when thing are chaotic in my personal life, there's a good chance that I will stop blogging, I've been gone for a while, so you can figure it out. I haven't blogged since GoldenGloves. Which reminds me...
I will fill you all in on my GoldenGloves experience later this week, right now, I suppose I'm introducing my return to the blog and... to the ring. I fractured (or I should say Paul fractured) my ribs in 2 places after I received a nice body shot from one of my sparring partners. This was 6 and a half weeks ago, the Dr said I would be out 6-8 and well, I tried my best to make a return sooner but my body just wouldn't heal. It is my 3rd cracked rib in a little over a year. Since I've taken up boxing I've been no stranger to injury and being out. This time though it really hurt, I was unable to really do anything, experiencing pain in coughing, laughing, sleeping and the worst...sneezing. But I am happy to say that I am back, today was my first day back sparring and it felt great. I took some, landed some, the ribs got tested and I THINK they passed! I've had a lot of time to reflect in the last couple of months and mentally I feel better than I ever have. I feel more determined than ever and have a renewed sense of purpose. I am competing now, I'm in the game. Again. Things are different now, I have a great team around me that believe in me, and I myself am starting to believe that this dream of mine can really happen. I love boxing. I love my trainer. I love my teammates. I love my peers. I love the special friends I have made from boxing. I love being at the gym. I'm looking forward to the next part of my journey. With Denton on the rise, Namah's birth in pro boxing. Lucas' unfinished business, and of course the 'dream' of yours truly, it's such an exciting time at BBSV.
So once again folks, it's time to tag along. To share in something special, to be part of the human condition, to love, be loved and to help our fellow man get through this painful, curious and wonderful thing called life. Join me, as I join you, laugh with me, cry with me, but most of all, TRY with me. Let's put forth the effort in becoming better at all things, especially becoming better people, let's be good to one another, we're all we've got. Each other. THAT'S my dream, anyway you slice it. Care to share?
I will fill you all in on my GoldenGloves experience later this week, right now, I suppose I'm introducing my return to the blog and... to the ring. I fractured (or I should say Paul fractured) my ribs in 2 places after I received a nice body shot from one of my sparring partners. This was 6 and a half weeks ago, the Dr said I would be out 6-8 and well, I tried my best to make a return sooner but my body just wouldn't heal. It is my 3rd cracked rib in a little over a year. Since I've taken up boxing I've been no stranger to injury and being out. This time though it really hurt, I was unable to really do anything, experiencing pain in coughing, laughing, sleeping and the worst...sneezing. But I am happy to say that I am back, today was my first day back sparring and it felt great. I took some, landed some, the ribs got tested and I THINK they passed! I've had a lot of time to reflect in the last couple of months and mentally I feel better than I ever have. I feel more determined than ever and have a renewed sense of purpose. I am competing now, I'm in the game. Again. Things are different now, I have a great team around me that believe in me, and I myself am starting to believe that this dream of mine can really happen. I love boxing. I love my trainer. I love my teammates. I love my peers. I love the special friends I have made from boxing. I love being at the gym. I'm looking forward to the next part of my journey. With Denton on the rise, Namah's birth in pro boxing. Lucas' unfinished business, and of course the 'dream' of yours truly, it's such an exciting time at BBSV.
So once again folks, it's time to tag along. To share in something special, to be part of the human condition, to love, be loved and to help our fellow man get through this painful, curious and wonderful thing called life. Join me, as I join you, laugh with me, cry with me, but most of all, TRY with me. Let's put forth the effort in becoming better at all things, especially becoming better people, let's be good to one another, we're all we've got. Each other. THAT'S my dream, anyway you slice it. Care to share?
Thursday, April 18, 2013
GO TEAM DESTINY!!!!!
The Tournament is at The Four Points Sheraton Hotel, 1150 Wellington Rd South, London Ont. Like most boxing events usually I would be on a card along with maybe 6 or 7 other scheduled fights all taking place on a Saturday night or a specific time and day on the weekend. It has been difficult to tell people that want to come when I will be fighting, the truth of the matter is I don't know. The weigh-ins are tomorrow morning at 9am, after that they will draw out of a hat as to the order the fights will go on. The Gold Medal matches are on Sunday. If I fight friday and win, I will have to weigh-in again on the next day I fight. I could speculate or assume or guess that I will be fighting friday night, this will most LIKELY be the case, but I just don't know. I've been advised to expect to fight at any time and to be perpared for anything.
The tickets you can get there, I know a weekend pass is $60, I am assuming a day pass is $25, great value, you can see a lot of fights, quality boxing and entertainment. Obviously I would love the support from anybody who can come, Team Destiny would love it too. I know that many people have msgd me wanting to come and support me and I apologize for not being able to get back to people, I have really locked down my focus so I hope you all understand, the truth is I haven't even responded to my own family with any details and many of them are waiting for this blog entry as well. I also knew that I would be unable to give a time and/or day that I would be fighting and this would greatly effect people's ability to attend.
SO!!! I will post on my status on FB after the weigh-ins and give everyone as much details as I can. Forgive me if I don't respond, I am focused on what I have to do to perform and support my team as well. I would love to see as many friends and family there but I TOTALLY understand the inconvenience of the situation. There will be plenty more opportunities in the future. Hopefully!
So, we're here, the start of my journey, the start of my competitive boxing career. All the training is done, all the preparation. There is nothing left to do but compete to the best of my ability and enjoy this moment. There are so many people to thank, it would take up a whole blog page, but I just wanted to thank a few people that have helped me on the way to Golden Gloves specifically and not neccesarily my journey, just people that have aided me in preparation for this tournament. Chris, Lucas, Erika, for getting me ready, Dr.T for helping me overcome a dabilitating injury, Conor for throwing punches at me doing slip drills, The staff at Beertown, especially DC, Asian Brother, Simon, BLT, Meadows, you guys tended to my every pain in the ass request with my food and helped me remain discipline in my eating habits although it was chicken and veg with no sauce or beef patty with nothing but tomatoes, no one could make that shit taste good, but you guys always did, I wouldn'tve been able to make weight without you guys. Adriel for all the extra mitt work, especially when Oma passed and I was unable to train at the gym for a week, we put in some great work together, unreal time too. Thank you Denton, for all the talks and advice and putting me through the best(worst) 13 rounds of hell I have ever experienced, but mostly for showing me how to train like a champion, you redefined what I thought was 'hard work'. Jags, for all the love and support and for caring for EVERYONE at BBSV. The kids from March break, you did so many things for me, mostly reminded me of the reason I have passion for boxing, kids, and life. And lastly Jewel, for putting me on the team, and having faith that maybe I'll 'show you something'. You and the gym have meant more to me than you can know, I hope I can show my appreciation through my effort this weekend.
Hope to see some of you there, I will be posting details as soon as I know them. As my journey(boxing) proceeds, there will be significant events that take place, the first was the Golden Glove tryouts, I dedicated my effort there to Katie. I ended up making the team, so being superstitious, I'm going to dedicated my efforts this weekend as well. So this one's for the 40-plus crowd, to those that still believe that you're never too old and that it's never too late, I dedicate this effort to you. Dreams CAN come true, no matter how big or small, if it matters to YOU, that's all that counts. As long as you try. TRY.
The tickets you can get there, I know a weekend pass is $60, I am assuming a day pass is $25, great value, you can see a lot of fights, quality boxing and entertainment. Obviously I would love the support from anybody who can come, Team Destiny would love it too. I know that many people have msgd me wanting to come and support me and I apologize for not being able to get back to people, I have really locked down my focus so I hope you all understand, the truth is I haven't even responded to my own family with any details and many of them are waiting for this blog entry as well. I also knew that I would be unable to give a time and/or day that I would be fighting and this would greatly effect people's ability to attend.
SO!!! I will post on my status on FB after the weigh-ins and give everyone as much details as I can. Forgive me if I don't respond, I am focused on what I have to do to perform and support my team as well. I would love to see as many friends and family there but I TOTALLY understand the inconvenience of the situation. There will be plenty more opportunities in the future. Hopefully!
So, we're here, the start of my journey, the start of my competitive boxing career. All the training is done, all the preparation. There is nothing left to do but compete to the best of my ability and enjoy this moment. There are so many people to thank, it would take up a whole blog page, but I just wanted to thank a few people that have helped me on the way to Golden Gloves specifically and not neccesarily my journey, just people that have aided me in preparation for this tournament. Chris, Lucas, Erika, for getting me ready, Dr.T for helping me overcome a dabilitating injury, Conor for throwing punches at me doing slip drills, The staff at Beertown, especially DC, Asian Brother, Simon, BLT, Meadows, you guys tended to my every pain in the ass request with my food and helped me remain discipline in my eating habits although it was chicken and veg with no sauce or beef patty with nothing but tomatoes, no one could make that shit taste good, but you guys always did, I wouldn'tve been able to make weight without you guys. Adriel for all the extra mitt work, especially when Oma passed and I was unable to train at the gym for a week, we put in some great work together, unreal time too. Thank you Denton, for all the talks and advice and putting me through the best(worst) 13 rounds of hell I have ever experienced, but mostly for showing me how to train like a champion, you redefined what I thought was 'hard work'. Jags, for all the love and support and for caring for EVERYONE at BBSV. The kids from March break, you did so many things for me, mostly reminded me of the reason I have passion for boxing, kids, and life. And lastly Jewel, for putting me on the team, and having faith that maybe I'll 'show you something'. You and the gym have meant more to me than you can know, I hope I can show my appreciation through my effort this weekend.
Hope to see some of you there, I will be posting details as soon as I know them. As my journey(boxing) proceeds, there will be significant events that take place, the first was the Golden Glove tryouts, I dedicated my effort there to Katie. I ended up making the team, so being superstitious, I'm going to dedicated my efforts this weekend as well. So this one's for the 40-plus crowd, to those that still believe that you're never too old and that it's never too late, I dedicate this effort to you. Dreams CAN come true, no matter how big or small, if it matters to YOU, that's all that counts. As long as you try. TRY.
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Staying Focused
As my journey towards Golden Gloves continues, things in my personal life have become a little difficult. With 4 weeks left until the tournament (less than 2 weeks now), I made a pact with myself, that I wasn't going to have any excuses. I was going to adhere to my routine, stay focused, battle through all injuries, and most importantly, get my work in and continue to train everyday and get my road work in(running schedule). Afterall, although most boxers are treating Golden Gloves very seriously, it's different for me, it's emotional. I've waited 42 years for this moment to compete at the sport I love. It is special for me to be a part of Team Destiny, it is even more special for me to be a part of our dynamic team, a team with such a range of quality people and personalities, I'm extremely happy and proud, just to be their team mate. It is also a special time for D-Mac and I, we've shared a special friendship and bond and have brought out the best in one another, Golden Gloves will provide some of the reward for that for sure. There are so many reasons that this is important for me, I don't know where to begin. I guess I just did! This is the start of my boxing career. By the time Golden Gloves starts, most competitors would've felt that they have waited 8 weeks for the day to arrive, I feel like I've waited my whole life. I get chills thinking about it, it brings me to tears almost every time.
The weight cut alas is over. After experiencing difficulty after getting to 142(I'm fighting at the 139lbs category), feeling weak in training and not looking good, I made a decision to not diet to drop weight, to eat healthy, no junk, and just train hard. I was prepared to go into the tournament at 143-144 and just cut the water weight the day of. I wasn't really looking forward to this, even though Syd felt I would be fine. This last week of training has been my best ever, and I have ignored the scale as much as possible, this morning I stepped on, and was overjoyed to discover that....I was 140lbs! I feel strong, look great(compared to looking almost sick at 142) and feel a big relief.
Along with the weight cut news, I have also made an effort to work with some guys at the gym doing mitts(pad work) whenever possible. I've also scheduled days with my roommate and my cousin to get extra work in as well. This has also aided in my improvement and has given me a lot of confidence that I can execute some combinations that I feel I can use and will be successful with. I have some 'tricks' up my sleeve for the tournament, I know I can pull it off.
I've also found a way to train with a serious injury that I got at the tryouts. I feel that it is almost healed and that I've mentally gotten tougher from this, it has raised my confidence and belief in myself even more. So, I'm building myself up, I feel better everyday, and I will have absolutely NO excuses come tournament time, I'm going to put it all out there, give it EVERYTHING I have, and have no regrets, whatsoever. I'm focused. Sure there are tons of things going on in my personal life,(things keep piling, my grandmother passed this morning) but I've learned from mistakes in the past, and I am staying focused on what I need do.
Most importantly, I'm going to have fun. I'm going to enjoy the moment. Every minute. I'm going to embrace the company of my teammates and celebrate their efforts. I'm going to fight like I've never fought before, I'm going to live out my dream, I'm going to compete with heart and love every second that I am in there, even when I'm getting punched in the face! I don't know if I will win, I don't know how I will perform, but I do know that when that bell sounds to end my time at GoldenGloves I will have nothing left, because I plan on leaving it all in the ring.
The weight cut alas is over. After experiencing difficulty after getting to 142(I'm fighting at the 139lbs category), feeling weak in training and not looking good, I made a decision to not diet to drop weight, to eat healthy, no junk, and just train hard. I was prepared to go into the tournament at 143-144 and just cut the water weight the day of. I wasn't really looking forward to this, even though Syd felt I would be fine. This last week of training has been my best ever, and I have ignored the scale as much as possible, this morning I stepped on, and was overjoyed to discover that....I was 140lbs! I feel strong, look great(compared to looking almost sick at 142) and feel a big relief.
Along with the weight cut news, I have also made an effort to work with some guys at the gym doing mitts(pad work) whenever possible. I've also scheduled days with my roommate and my cousin to get extra work in as well. This has also aided in my improvement and has given me a lot of confidence that I can execute some combinations that I feel I can use and will be successful with. I have some 'tricks' up my sleeve for the tournament, I know I can pull it off.
I've also found a way to train with a serious injury that I got at the tryouts. I feel that it is almost healed and that I've mentally gotten tougher from this, it has raised my confidence and belief in myself even more. So, I'm building myself up, I feel better everyday, and I will have absolutely NO excuses come tournament time, I'm going to put it all out there, give it EVERYTHING I have, and have no regrets, whatsoever. I'm focused. Sure there are tons of things going on in my personal life,(things keep piling, my grandmother passed this morning) but I've learned from mistakes in the past, and I am staying focused on what I need do.
Most importantly, I'm going to have fun. I'm going to enjoy the moment. Every minute. I'm going to embrace the company of my teammates and celebrate their efforts. I'm going to fight like I've never fought before, I'm going to live out my dream, I'm going to compete with heart and love every second that I am in there, even when I'm getting punched in the face! I don't know if I will win, I don't know how I will perform, but I do know that when that bell sounds to end my time at GoldenGloves I will have nothing left, because I plan on leaving it all in the ring.
Monday, April 1, 2013
Some Info
So here are some details for The Ontario Golden Gloves Championships. They will take place In London, Ont at The Four Points Sheraton Hotel on the weekend of April 19-21. The winners will advance to The Nationals in BC on July 19, the winners from that competition will go on to The World Cup! I believe there are several people on our team that could go all the way to the World Cup I would not be one of them, The OBA (Ontario Boxing Association) divides the competition classes very fairly and attempts to break down the categories very specifically. I will be competing in the novice category(those that have 10 amateur fights or less) as opposed to the elite category(more than 10 fights). Only those that compete in the elite category will be eligible to go on to Nationals and Worlds. I'm good with that, I just want to compete.
Which brings up some details. We are looking for me to compete at the 139lbs weight class, the next category above will be 147lbs. Syd would like to see me fight at 139lbs. We feel that the 147 lbs category will be tougher for me, and that I will be able to 'hold my own' better at 139. At the time of the tryouts I was 153ish. This morning I was 145. Last week I managed to get down to 142.6, but that was after a workout in a sweatsuit! Realistically I have to get to 142, the rest of the weight I can lose overnight and in a sweatsuit, simply losing 'water' weight. The last time I remember weighing 140lbs, I was in grade 10. I've been a little concerned with how I would feel at that weight so I wanted to get to it as soon as I could before the tournament. The weight cut has not gone well for me. Last week, I feel I dropped too much, too quickly and was very weak in training. Last tuesday in sparring, my legs were shaking after the warm up, and we hadn't even started sparring any rounds! So I figure that it is pointless to train on this low energy, I'm going to eat healthy, ban junk and fast food and try not to pay attention to the scale(we weigh-in every tuesday and friday as a team AND I have a friendly bet with Erika so we weigh-in every wednesday), even though it will be next to impossible. My workouts were so unprductive last week due to how weak I felt that I don't want to sacrafice my developement for weight loss. I believe I can still lose a significant amount if I continue to eat well and train hard and stick to our team running regiment. Hopefully I make the 139, we'll see.
Other than that, I feel pretty good. I've done my best to keep my personal life seperate from my blog although sometimes it is difficult. So much of my journey to box IS personal. It's emotional and everything in my life operates around my boxing, so it is always a challenge to seperate the two. Lately is has been a challenge though, my personal life is, how can I put it, 'colourful' I guess, for lack of the right word. Things never seem right or balanced and as I search for that balance, the only thing that ever feels right is being in the gym. Being in the gym. An addiction. And as an addict, I understand my condition all too well.
Which brings up some details. We are looking for me to compete at the 139lbs weight class, the next category above will be 147lbs. Syd would like to see me fight at 139lbs. We feel that the 147 lbs category will be tougher for me, and that I will be able to 'hold my own' better at 139. At the time of the tryouts I was 153ish. This morning I was 145. Last week I managed to get down to 142.6, but that was after a workout in a sweatsuit! Realistically I have to get to 142, the rest of the weight I can lose overnight and in a sweatsuit, simply losing 'water' weight. The last time I remember weighing 140lbs, I was in grade 10. I've been a little concerned with how I would feel at that weight so I wanted to get to it as soon as I could before the tournament. The weight cut has not gone well for me. Last week, I feel I dropped too much, too quickly and was very weak in training. Last tuesday in sparring, my legs were shaking after the warm up, and we hadn't even started sparring any rounds! So I figure that it is pointless to train on this low energy, I'm going to eat healthy, ban junk and fast food and try not to pay attention to the scale(we weigh-in every tuesday and friday as a team AND I have a friendly bet with Erika so we weigh-in every wednesday), even though it will be next to impossible. My workouts were so unprductive last week due to how weak I felt that I don't want to sacrafice my developement for weight loss. I believe I can still lose a significant amount if I continue to eat well and train hard and stick to our team running regiment. Hopefully I make the 139, we'll see.
Other than that, I feel pretty good. I've done my best to keep my personal life seperate from my blog although sometimes it is difficult. So much of my journey to box IS personal. It's emotional and everything in my life operates around my boxing, so it is always a challenge to seperate the two. Lately is has been a challenge though, my personal life is, how can I put it, 'colourful' I guess, for lack of the right word. Things never seem right or balanced and as I search for that balance, the only thing that ever feels right is being in the gym. Being in the gym. An addiction. And as an addict, I understand my condition all too well.
Friday, March 15, 2013
The Future...
It's been a little over a week since Denton's fight and the news of making the GoldenGloves team. Things are still pretty exciting, it was an exciting week. I've had a chance to reflect on Denton's big win, I've also had a chance to spend time with the champ and get his insight on his fight, boxing, life, his and mine, and really just enjoy his company as a friend. But truthfully most of the time we spend together is spent talking about boxing, which both of us could do all day. There is such a humility in him that is admirable, here he is, at a huge turning point in his career, coming off the biggest most significant win in his life, yet, he is constantly trying to help me, give me guidance and advice, doing whatever he can to see to it that I reach my dream. Selfless. Along with spending time with Denton, I was also humbled today, by a group of youngsters I had the privilege of spending time with this week. They, along with Denton, gave me another reminder about what life is all about, what I am here for, what we all are here for...
There is something so magical that happens when you spend time with kids. When you share a smile or a laugh with a young person, it is so genuine, so innocent, so pure. They can't easily hide things. If they are upset, happy, tired, bored, you know it, instantly. They haven't learned the art of "BS" yet. You always know where you stand with a kid, if you don't know how they feel by looking at them, just ask them, they'll tell you. I had a great opportunity this week. There was a march break camp for kids at the gym, and I assisted in teaching the kids some boxing. We really had fun. Today I had a chance to talk with them though. We gathered around and I told them about my journey, how I arrived at this point in my life and why boxing is so important to me. I suppose the discussion was meant to inspire them, but ironically, it was them that inspired me. I got a chance to know them, what their dreams are, the things they like, we talked about god, and how they pray, we talked about the importance of helping people, and to always do your best. I was amazed at their answers, how insightful they were, but mostly I was inspired by how grateful they were for the things they have in life, and how much thought they gave to those around the world that were not as fortunate. I have really been focused on my efforts in training for the GoldenGloves tournament. So many people have congratulated me, people are happy for me, people are proud. I admit I've taken satisfaction and pride in making the team. I'm looking forward to my first fight, the official start of my competitive journey. All this credit and reward has been given to me, it's easy to forget the reason that I started this jouney in the first place...
A simple life. Live a good one. Live it clean. Do your best. Before you leave, leave it better than you left it. How do we do that? We teach our young. What do we teach them? I suppose that's different from person to person. We all have different gifts, we all have special qualities, we're not all the same, we all have something different to pass on, we all feel that there are certain things that are important in life, some, more than others. We all want our youth to do better than us. They are our future. We want something out of them. How do we get them to do it? How do we get them to believe us? I think, we show them. If I only had one thing to tell a child, it would be this. Dream. Dream big. Dream and don't let anyone or anything stop you from going after it. As long as you are not hurting anyone else, pursue your dream to the end, until it's achieved. So for me, it's easy. How could I tell a child to go after their dream if I don't go after mine. Boxing brings out the best in me. The people in my life, everyone I meet that becomes part of my life, they all deserve the best in me. Whatever I can give.
These youngsters really taught me something today. It's a responsibility we all have, to make ourselves better, to guide our youth through our actions, to help them help others, to achieve their dreams, to make the world a better place, through love and the old fashioned method of trying. I really feel grateful that I met these young people this week, their smiles, their laughter, their energy, it helped me gain even more clarity in what I'm doing, and the reasons I'm doing it. More importantly, it was a refreshing experience and reminder at how much joy it is to work with kids, how much you can give them, the knowledge, the wisdom, but really the best thing you can give them...is your time. And really, that was the best thing THEY gave me.
There is something so magical that happens when you spend time with kids. When you share a smile or a laugh with a young person, it is so genuine, so innocent, so pure. They can't easily hide things. If they are upset, happy, tired, bored, you know it, instantly. They haven't learned the art of "BS" yet. You always know where you stand with a kid, if you don't know how they feel by looking at them, just ask them, they'll tell you. I had a great opportunity this week. There was a march break camp for kids at the gym, and I assisted in teaching the kids some boxing. We really had fun. Today I had a chance to talk with them though. We gathered around and I told them about my journey, how I arrived at this point in my life and why boxing is so important to me. I suppose the discussion was meant to inspire them, but ironically, it was them that inspired me. I got a chance to know them, what their dreams are, the things they like, we talked about god, and how they pray, we talked about the importance of helping people, and to always do your best. I was amazed at their answers, how insightful they were, but mostly I was inspired by how grateful they were for the things they have in life, and how much thought they gave to those around the world that were not as fortunate. I have really been focused on my efforts in training for the GoldenGloves tournament. So many people have congratulated me, people are happy for me, people are proud. I admit I've taken satisfaction and pride in making the team. I'm looking forward to my first fight, the official start of my competitive journey. All this credit and reward has been given to me, it's easy to forget the reason that I started this jouney in the first place...
A simple life. Live a good one. Live it clean. Do your best. Before you leave, leave it better than you left it. How do we do that? We teach our young. What do we teach them? I suppose that's different from person to person. We all have different gifts, we all have special qualities, we're not all the same, we all have something different to pass on, we all feel that there are certain things that are important in life, some, more than others. We all want our youth to do better than us. They are our future. We want something out of them. How do we get them to do it? How do we get them to believe us? I think, we show them. If I only had one thing to tell a child, it would be this. Dream. Dream big. Dream and don't let anyone or anything stop you from going after it. As long as you are not hurting anyone else, pursue your dream to the end, until it's achieved. So for me, it's easy. How could I tell a child to go after their dream if I don't go after mine. Boxing brings out the best in me. The people in my life, everyone I meet that becomes part of my life, they all deserve the best in me. Whatever I can give.
These youngsters really taught me something today. It's a responsibility we all have, to make ourselves better, to guide our youth through our actions, to help them help others, to achieve their dreams, to make the world a better place, through love and the old fashioned method of trying. I really feel grateful that I met these young people this week, their smiles, their laughter, their energy, it helped me gain even more clarity in what I'm doing, and the reasons I'm doing it. More importantly, it was a refreshing experience and reminder at how much joy it is to work with kids, how much you can give them, the knowledge, the wisdom, but really the best thing you can give them...is your time. And really, that was the best thing THEY gave me.
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
A Day For Me To Smile
Before the tryouts last thursday, I came to terms. Although I knew that it would mean a lot to me to make the team, I also knew that my chances were small and that it wouldn't matter either way, my pursuit of my dream would still be on, so going into the tryouts my mindset was to not let the result determine my attitude going forward. Besides there are so many good boxers at our gym, there would be no shame in not making it.
A day after the tryouts, and the days coming into monday(the day the team would be posted) I was at peace with things. I did my best, got personal bests in everything, looked bad in sparring, got hurt bad(body is now bruised where I took the shot and experiencing some internal pain) but knew that I didn't take a knee, I didn't go down when I could've, when I know that many would have. Out of everything I took out of it, I took that. But I honestly felt that I didn't make the team, so when monday came, I went to the gym, trained with Lucas, got my work in and left. I didn't inquire about who made the team, in fact Lucas and I had a brief discussion, he even suggested that nothing had been determined yet. It didn't matter, my mind was actually on Denton, he was fighting the most important fight of his life, a fight that if he would won would change his immediate future in boxing, he would win the North American title, and he would then contend for a world title. If he won. I was nervous. I also felt the nerves of everyone at the gym, I would be corresponding with Jags with updates, and I could feel her anxiety along with EVERYONE at the gym. It was nervous time. Denton has meant so much to me as a boxer and friend, he has meant so much to everyone at BBSV. It would also be huge for Syd. And we all know how important Syd is to everyone in the community, especially his BBSV family. So actually, all my focus was on Denton's fight, I wanted him to win so badly, I was nervous.
Then I get sent 2 pictures on my phone. One was from Jags(Eryn Aguiar, runs BBSV) it was a picture of my friend D-Mac down on one knee, the other photo was from D-Mac, explaining why. It was a photo of the list of fighters that were on the 2013 GoldenGloves Team, my name was on it. I made the team. With a msg from D-Mac expressing his happiness that we were now officially teammates. For those of you that have followed my journey, you'll remember that D-Mac and I fought in my first and only exhibition fight. We've been close friends ever since. Devin also just avenged a loss on Sunday, he won a fight. So we were celebrating on many levels. Out of respect for my fellow BBSV boxers, I didn't want to blog, I know that they read it, and I have so much love and respect for them, they deserved to be on the team too. Everyone worked so hard and gave it everything they had, poored their heart and soul into that gym, into that tryout, we were all champions, regardless of who made that list. But I can't lie, I was happy, and I was emotional. Very. When I think of this journey, all the ups and mostly downs, everything that I have been through...There isn't much time to celebrate however, there is much work to be done, and it appears I have an injury, but Dr T will access that tomorrow, anyways, I've been in worse pain, I'm...used to it. If I've grown accustomed to anything, it's pain.
I allowed myself to be emotional for a bit, but my attention was quickly shifted to Dangerous Denton Daley. My friend, our friend. Someone we all look up to at the gym, we all love him. We've all seen him work his ass off, we've seen him help so many people, including me(Denton cornered my fight against Devin) he's always been there for me, ever since I joined the gym. He has time for everyone, he represents the gym and the community with class. Denton is our pride and joy. He's an extension of Syd, a champion in every way just like Syd was, like Syd is. Yesterday was a day I'll never forget, it was one of the happiest days of my life, I watched my friend and idol display an unreal show of boxing, it was an honour to be there, an honour to share the moment with THE NEW NABF CHAMPION, Dentooooooon, Dangerooooous, Daaaaaaaleeeeeey. 10 rounds to zero, he won.
A day after the tryouts, and the days coming into monday(the day the team would be posted) I was at peace with things. I did my best, got personal bests in everything, looked bad in sparring, got hurt bad(body is now bruised where I took the shot and experiencing some internal pain) but knew that I didn't take a knee, I didn't go down when I could've, when I know that many would have. Out of everything I took out of it, I took that. But I honestly felt that I didn't make the team, so when monday came, I went to the gym, trained with Lucas, got my work in and left. I didn't inquire about who made the team, in fact Lucas and I had a brief discussion, he even suggested that nothing had been determined yet. It didn't matter, my mind was actually on Denton, he was fighting the most important fight of his life, a fight that if he would won would change his immediate future in boxing, he would win the North American title, and he would then contend for a world title. If he won. I was nervous. I also felt the nerves of everyone at the gym, I would be corresponding with Jags with updates, and I could feel her anxiety along with EVERYONE at the gym. It was nervous time. Denton has meant so much to me as a boxer and friend, he has meant so much to everyone at BBSV. It would also be huge for Syd. And we all know how important Syd is to everyone in the community, especially his BBSV family. So actually, all my focus was on Denton's fight, I wanted him to win so badly, I was nervous.
Then I get sent 2 pictures on my phone. One was from Jags(Eryn Aguiar, runs BBSV) it was a picture of my friend D-Mac down on one knee, the other photo was from D-Mac, explaining why. It was a photo of the list of fighters that were on the 2013 GoldenGloves Team, my name was on it. I made the team. With a msg from D-Mac expressing his happiness that we were now officially teammates. For those of you that have followed my journey, you'll remember that D-Mac and I fought in my first and only exhibition fight. We've been close friends ever since. Devin also just avenged a loss on Sunday, he won a fight. So we were celebrating on many levels. Out of respect for my fellow BBSV boxers, I didn't want to blog, I know that they read it, and I have so much love and respect for them, they deserved to be on the team too. Everyone worked so hard and gave it everything they had, poored their heart and soul into that gym, into that tryout, we were all champions, regardless of who made that list. But I can't lie, I was happy, and I was emotional. Very. When I think of this journey, all the ups and mostly downs, everything that I have been through...There isn't much time to celebrate however, there is much work to be done, and it appears I have an injury, but Dr T will access that tomorrow, anyways, I've been in worse pain, I'm...used to it. If I've grown accustomed to anything, it's pain.
I allowed myself to be emotional for a bit, but my attention was quickly shifted to Dangerous Denton Daley. My friend, our friend. Someone we all look up to at the gym, we all love him. We've all seen him work his ass off, we've seen him help so many people, including me(Denton cornered my fight against Devin) he's always been there for me, ever since I joined the gym. He has time for everyone, he represents the gym and the community with class. Denton is our pride and joy. He's an extension of Syd, a champion in every way just like Syd was, like Syd is. Yesterday was a day I'll never forget, it was one of the happiest days of my life, I watched my friend and idol display an unreal show of boxing, it was an honour to be there, an honour to share the moment with THE NEW NABF CHAMPION, Dentooooooon, Dangerooooous, Daaaaaaaleeeeeey. 10 rounds to zero, he won.
Friday, March 1, 2013
The Tryout
The gym was packed. This was the second day of tryouts, I was unsure of how many there were yesterday, I didn't ask anybody, it didn't really matter anyway. Tonight it seemed like there were 100 people in the gym, but there were probably 30-40, I'm not sure, maybe less, definitely not more than 40, maybe even less than 30, again I'm not sure, but it didn't really matter. Syd called us in and broke it down. Burpees, 1-2-1(jab-right-jab) combos on the heavy bag, step-ups, then shark tank(sparring where you are surrounded by a whole ring of fighters and a fresh person is sent in to throw multiple punches and you must defend yourself). Syd set the standard numbers that were required to make the team automatically. IF you could do 75 burpees in 3 minutes(my record is 75), IF you could do 180 1-2-1 combos on the bag in 2 minutes(my record is 154) and IF you could do 70 step-ups in a minute, take 30 seconds rest then do another 70 in a minute(my record in a minute is 71)...If you hit these standard numbers you make the team AUTOMATICALLY. If not, you rely on shark tank....I'll spare you the drama.
I did 88 burpees, 174 1-2-1 combos, and 71 step-ups in the 1rst min, 70 in the 2nd min. I didn't hit the numbers I needed to make the team automatically, I fell 6 1-2-1 combos short. But I got my personal best numbers in everything, except the step-ups where I tied my best in the 1 rst minute and dug down deep to do 70 the next minute after only 30 seconds rest. Even though I didn't gain exemption after the physical testing I was unsure of how everyone else did, but just from hearing the numbers that were being called out it certainly felt like people were doing well. I was partnered with Devin(we counted for each other) I only knew how HE did, and he smashed every test, 88 burpees, 190 1-2-1s(I think) and 82 and 81 step ups respectively. My man. Devin shined, and I'm proud of him, and happy that he made the team, I expected no less from him. So I would need sharktank to score well. My legs were cramped up after the step-ups, I really gave it all I had, I was in a little trouble going into sharktank. I have no excuses though, I had ample rest before it was my turn, my heart was there, I just didn't recover in time.
Everyone did extremely well in sharktank too. When it was my turn, I was a little unfocused, trying to ignore the cramps in my legs.THEN I took a shot to the body by Roman Szlek(won Gold last year) and it knocked the wind out of me and took what little I had left in my legs, I've taken hard body shots before, but nothing like this, I couldn't breathe and stuggled to stand. But I didn't go down and didn't take a knee( I definitely felt like doing it) and although it wasn't the performance I was looking for, I finished the round standing and it might've looked bad to others but it was a proud moment for me personally. I showed heart, I think I did a good job of shielding how hurt I really was.
I was impressed with all the candidates and everyone that tried out, I felt like everyone brought their A-Game and it was good to see. You could tell how bad the guys(and girls) wanted it. The team gets posted monday, and I want to congratulate those that made the team automatically(there's a good chance that 16 people did for sure) and for those that didn't and maybe waiting for monday, keep your head up, be proud of your efforts, and no matter what, do your best to make OUR team, the BBSV team the best it can be in the upcoming weeks leading to the tournament. Remember that you are still representing Team Destiny, inside AND outside the ring, no matter if you are on the squad that goes to GoldenGloves, or if you are not.
On a personal note. I want to thank Lucas and Erika for so many things but spefically today for getting me as ready as I could be. I want to thank Syd too, for all his help, and for giving me an opportunity to do this. It was really fun. I want to also thank all those who sent me well wishes, I know some of you knew how imporatant this was to me. I know there are some looking down on me too, I know they will continue to give me that extra breath, that extra 20 seconds whenever I can't. In the grand scheme of things, I guess today doesn't matter, not compared to where I want to go in boxing. But actually EVERYTHING matters, which is why it is important to TRY. Try your best, at any and everything you do. That's what life is about, trying. I did that today, and for that, I'm proud.
I did 88 burpees, 174 1-2-1 combos, and 71 step-ups in the 1rst min, 70 in the 2nd min. I didn't hit the numbers I needed to make the team automatically, I fell 6 1-2-1 combos short. But I got my personal best numbers in everything, except the step-ups where I tied my best in the 1 rst minute and dug down deep to do 70 the next minute after only 30 seconds rest. Even though I didn't gain exemption after the physical testing I was unsure of how everyone else did, but just from hearing the numbers that were being called out it certainly felt like people were doing well. I was partnered with Devin(we counted for each other) I only knew how HE did, and he smashed every test, 88 burpees, 190 1-2-1s(I think) and 82 and 81 step ups respectively. My man. Devin shined, and I'm proud of him, and happy that he made the team, I expected no less from him. So I would need sharktank to score well. My legs were cramped up after the step-ups, I really gave it all I had, I was in a little trouble going into sharktank. I have no excuses though, I had ample rest before it was my turn, my heart was there, I just didn't recover in time.
Everyone did extremely well in sharktank too. When it was my turn, I was a little unfocused, trying to ignore the cramps in my legs.THEN I took a shot to the body by Roman Szlek(won Gold last year) and it knocked the wind out of me and took what little I had left in my legs, I've taken hard body shots before, but nothing like this, I couldn't breathe and stuggled to stand. But I didn't go down and didn't take a knee( I definitely felt like doing it) and although it wasn't the performance I was looking for, I finished the round standing and it might've looked bad to others but it was a proud moment for me personally. I showed heart, I think I did a good job of shielding how hurt I really was.
I was impressed with all the candidates and everyone that tried out, I felt like everyone brought their A-Game and it was good to see. You could tell how bad the guys(and girls) wanted it. The team gets posted monday, and I want to congratulate those that made the team automatically(there's a good chance that 16 people did for sure) and for those that didn't and maybe waiting for monday, keep your head up, be proud of your efforts, and no matter what, do your best to make OUR team, the BBSV team the best it can be in the upcoming weeks leading to the tournament. Remember that you are still representing Team Destiny, inside AND outside the ring, no matter if you are on the squad that goes to GoldenGloves, or if you are not.
On a personal note. I want to thank Lucas and Erika for so many things but spefically today for getting me as ready as I could be. I want to thank Syd too, for all his help, and for giving me an opportunity to do this. It was really fun. I want to also thank all those who sent me well wishes, I know some of you knew how imporatant this was to me. I know there are some looking down on me too, I know they will continue to give me that extra breath, that extra 20 seconds whenever I can't. In the grand scheme of things, I guess today doesn't matter, not compared to where I want to go in boxing. But actually EVERYTHING matters, which is why it is important to TRY. Try your best, at any and everything you do. That's what life is about, trying. I did that today, and for that, I'm proud.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
GoldenGloves
The Golden Gloves Championships is the premier championship tournament for the OBA(Ontario Boxing Association) All the best boxing clubs in Ontario compete and Team Destiny( Syd's Gym/team) is expected to win every year. This year BBSV will be sending 16 boxers to represent our club, the tryouts to make the team have been spread over 2 days, my tryout is tonite at 830.
Syd came to me in Dec, and told me that this is something I should shoot for. Although he described it as a 'lofty' goal, he also believes in setting high goals, so this is something that I have been preparing for and looking forward to.
My boxing has been coming along great, since I have made the decision to adjust my career path and focus on my training, my fundamentals, technique and defence have improved tremendously(if you ask me at least!) and I've made great strides in my conditioning, especially when sparring. Although controlling my anxiety and breathing while I'm sparring or in any pressure situation is an issue, I'm determined to overcome it, and as frustrating as it has been for me(I'm not close to where I should be or need to be) I AM improving, litttle by little. My conditioning is only exposed when I'm under pressure, and unable to breath efficiently. This happens when I'm nervous, and when I'm boxing, I'm always nervous.
I will be nervous tonight, I will have anxiety. Even though I know that this eats away at my energy, at this point I can only embrace the challenge, and attempt to overcome it. I think that 'choking' under pressure has been something that has happened much too often. Everytime I'm in a position to 'show Syd something', I have choked. But confidence comes from preparation, knowing that you put in the work. I've been putting in the work. I'm in a good situation, I've had my best week of training coming into the tryouts and ...I've got nothing to lose.
I'll admit I've put a lot of pressure on myself. If I make the team, it would mean so much to me, it would mean so many things. It would mean I'm good enough, it would mean Syd thinks I'm good enough, it would represent the hard work I've put in and the sacrafices I've made, I would mean I'd be part of a team, a team of great young people that I respect and admire, and of course...it would mean I would get to compete, it would mean I get to fight.
Truthfully though, in the grand scheme of things, I know it will be difficult, and, make it or not, it doesn't change my goals, or my training or my belief in what I'm doing. No matter what happens, after today, I still plan on working hard towards my dream and to help our team prepare for GoldenGloves in any way I can. I know that much of this is out of my control, but I can provide leadership through my work ethic, and push myself and the others as much as possible, I can help the team with my attitude and my actions in the gym, whether I am on the team or not.
I will absolutely enjoy my attempt tonight, I'm doing what I love to do, and just being given the opportunity to be part of this great team of young people is a true blessing in itself. So I will stress to you that the outcome is not important, that making the team doesn't make or break anything, I will continue to work towards my dream no matter what. BUT...wish me luck anyway.
Syd came to me in Dec, and told me that this is something I should shoot for. Although he described it as a 'lofty' goal, he also believes in setting high goals, so this is something that I have been preparing for and looking forward to.
My boxing has been coming along great, since I have made the decision to adjust my career path and focus on my training, my fundamentals, technique and defence have improved tremendously(if you ask me at least!) and I've made great strides in my conditioning, especially when sparring. Although controlling my anxiety and breathing while I'm sparring or in any pressure situation is an issue, I'm determined to overcome it, and as frustrating as it has been for me(I'm not close to where I should be or need to be) I AM improving, litttle by little. My conditioning is only exposed when I'm under pressure, and unable to breath efficiently. This happens when I'm nervous, and when I'm boxing, I'm always nervous.
I will be nervous tonight, I will have anxiety. Even though I know that this eats away at my energy, at this point I can only embrace the challenge, and attempt to overcome it. I think that 'choking' under pressure has been something that has happened much too often. Everytime I'm in a position to 'show Syd something', I have choked. But confidence comes from preparation, knowing that you put in the work. I've been putting in the work. I'm in a good situation, I've had my best week of training coming into the tryouts and ...I've got nothing to lose.
I'll admit I've put a lot of pressure on myself. If I make the team, it would mean so much to me, it would mean so many things. It would mean I'm good enough, it would mean Syd thinks I'm good enough, it would represent the hard work I've put in and the sacrafices I've made, I would mean I'd be part of a team, a team of great young people that I respect and admire, and of course...it would mean I would get to compete, it would mean I get to fight.
Truthfully though, in the grand scheme of things, I know it will be difficult, and, make it or not, it doesn't change my goals, or my training or my belief in what I'm doing. No matter what happens, after today, I still plan on working hard towards my dream and to help our team prepare for GoldenGloves in any way I can. I know that much of this is out of my control, but I can provide leadership through my work ethic, and push myself and the others as much as possible, I can help the team with my attitude and my actions in the gym, whether I am on the team or not.
I will absolutely enjoy my attempt tonight, I'm doing what I love to do, and just being given the opportunity to be part of this great team of young people is a true blessing in itself. So I will stress to you that the outcome is not important, that making the team doesn't make or break anything, I will continue to work towards my dream no matter what. BUT...wish me luck anyway.
Monday, February 18, 2013
The Best Is Yet To Come
In early November I accepted a new management position with the current company I am employed by. It was definitely a big change in my life, and a big change in the developement of my boxing journey, which, has essentially BECOME my life. It was the start of something new, but not neccessarily for the better. I never really question the things that happen in my life anymore. That old adage of "everything happens for a reason" has been a phrase overused, and overplayed. I've been guilty of jumping into things whole-heartedly on many occasions, sometimes for no better reason than believing that "everything happens for a reason". When things get introduced in my life, it's hard not to find a reason, especially when you're looking for one.
When Joe Phillips intoduced me to Syd, I KNEW there was a reason. In the upcoming weeks at Destiny(BBSV-Boxing By Syd Vanderpool) I KNEW I was at the right place. To this day I still believe in that. Destiny's Gym is my home. Shortly after my decision to train with Syd, the opportunity came to take a job in Waterloo. Although I had very mixed feelings about it(I was extremely happy where I was), I took the job, I really felt that EVERYTHING in my life was pulling toward Kitchener/Waterloo. I even considered moving and selling my house. I didn't question it, I embraced the new chance at a new life.
After my exhibition with Devin McAndrew things started to really snowball in a downhill fashion and fast. I'll spare you all the details, but I'll add some things together and you can do the math. My depression always hits me hardest in the winter. I think this is a very common thing that many people share, especially people that suffer from depression. This year was no different for me, but I actually was able to do better than most years this time, I think because I was so busy trying to balance my life I didn't have time to absorb it!Haters were coming on strong in my blog, and I also felt that being a manager with many of my staff reading my blog affected my ability to write honestly, especially when I leave myself so vulnerable at times with the way I write.I was in a leadership role, I didn't want people coming into work doubting my ability to lead. So I stopped blogging. Again. My job was demanding, specifically the hours. It was very common for me to leave the restaurant at 5am, get home at 6am, get to sleep by 630am and then get up at 830am to spar at the gym for 10am. I was spending less time at the gym, and the times that I was there, I was struggling, one sparring session Syd just pulled me out of there, I wasn't moving, he wouldn't let me continue, guys were just playing tee-ball with my head. Syd used to always ask me how I FELT each time he saw me, now he was asking me how much SLEEP I got the night before. I wasn't putting the time in that I needed, not devoting the extra time required for me to succeed. Less time in the gym can only mean one thing. And not only can I not afford to spend less time in the gym, I need to be there twice or even three times longer than anyone else. Something had to give. Then I cancelled a session with Syd irresponsibly, and that was it, something gave.
Some changes have been made. Lucas Rowe(more about Lucas later) has taken over my private sessions. Syd has stepped back for the moment but is still actively involved in my developement, seeing me once a week in a semi-private session. And of course supervises most if not all of the sparring, so Syd is around, and sees everything, and knows exactly what is going on with his fighters, and where they are at. He knew where I was at, and thus made the change, I don't think it was because he doesn't believe in me anymore, or doesn't want this for me, but something had to change. Syd once said to me that as long as I was 100% committed, that he was 100% in . Well I wasn't 100% committed. so changes were made. When Syd sat me down to discuss where we were at, he told me a story, that led to this punchline "You can't want it more than the fighter". I got the message. I know Syd likes me. I know he is passionate about what he does. But he can't want this dream of mine more than me, nor he can do the work for me. So although there has been a change, it changes nothing, boxing is my priority, my dream means everything. Other changes had to be made.
To futher shorten this story, I sat down with my boss and long time friend(brothers really, we've been through a lifetime of stuff together) and he gave me some options, I stepped down from managing, and went back to serving at my old location. It cuts down my hours in half, and will allow me to train the way I want to. It has already made a big difference. I'm resting, I'm putting the extra work in, I'm training harder than ever. I'm grateful to Dan, although things didn't work out the way we both hoped it would, he still made it possible for me to keep my life in a situation where I can make this dream happen. To box. He's a fighter himself, having competed on the international level in Tae Kwon Do, he understands how important this is to me. Now that I'm not managing anymore, I also feel more comfortable in writing the blog, I can put more "out there" and not feel that there will be a consequence to it.
Pretty long blog entry, we're almost caught up though. I'll talk about Jamaica, meeting Lenox Lewis, I'll address the 'haters', update my current training schedule, and most importantly what is next...The Golden Gloves Championships in April, where I will do my best to make our team! Stay posted, the best is yet to come...
When Joe Phillips intoduced me to Syd, I KNEW there was a reason. In the upcoming weeks at Destiny(BBSV-Boxing By Syd Vanderpool) I KNEW I was at the right place. To this day I still believe in that. Destiny's Gym is my home. Shortly after my decision to train with Syd, the opportunity came to take a job in Waterloo. Although I had very mixed feelings about it(I was extremely happy where I was), I took the job, I really felt that EVERYTHING in my life was pulling toward Kitchener/Waterloo. I even considered moving and selling my house. I didn't question it, I embraced the new chance at a new life.
After my exhibition with Devin McAndrew things started to really snowball in a downhill fashion and fast. I'll spare you all the details, but I'll add some things together and you can do the math. My depression always hits me hardest in the winter. I think this is a very common thing that many people share, especially people that suffer from depression. This year was no different for me, but I actually was able to do better than most years this time, I think because I was so busy trying to balance my life I didn't have time to absorb it!Haters were coming on strong in my blog, and I also felt that being a manager with many of my staff reading my blog affected my ability to write honestly, especially when I leave myself so vulnerable at times with the way I write.I was in a leadership role, I didn't want people coming into work doubting my ability to lead. So I stopped blogging. Again. My job was demanding, specifically the hours. It was very common for me to leave the restaurant at 5am, get home at 6am, get to sleep by 630am and then get up at 830am to spar at the gym for 10am. I was spending less time at the gym, and the times that I was there, I was struggling, one sparring session Syd just pulled me out of there, I wasn't moving, he wouldn't let me continue, guys were just playing tee-ball with my head. Syd used to always ask me how I FELT each time he saw me, now he was asking me how much SLEEP I got the night before. I wasn't putting the time in that I needed, not devoting the extra time required for me to succeed. Less time in the gym can only mean one thing. And not only can I not afford to spend less time in the gym, I need to be there twice or even three times longer than anyone else. Something had to give. Then I cancelled a session with Syd irresponsibly, and that was it, something gave.
Some changes have been made. Lucas Rowe(more about Lucas later) has taken over my private sessions. Syd has stepped back for the moment but is still actively involved in my developement, seeing me once a week in a semi-private session. And of course supervises most if not all of the sparring, so Syd is around, and sees everything, and knows exactly what is going on with his fighters, and where they are at. He knew where I was at, and thus made the change, I don't think it was because he doesn't believe in me anymore, or doesn't want this for me, but something had to change. Syd once said to me that as long as I was 100% committed, that he was 100% in . Well I wasn't 100% committed. so changes were made. When Syd sat me down to discuss where we were at, he told me a story, that led to this punchline "You can't want it more than the fighter". I got the message. I know Syd likes me. I know he is passionate about what he does. But he can't want this dream of mine more than me, nor he can do the work for me. So although there has been a change, it changes nothing, boxing is my priority, my dream means everything. Other changes had to be made.
To futher shorten this story, I sat down with my boss and long time friend(brothers really, we've been through a lifetime of stuff together) and he gave me some options, I stepped down from managing, and went back to serving at my old location. It cuts down my hours in half, and will allow me to train the way I want to. It has already made a big difference. I'm resting, I'm putting the extra work in, I'm training harder than ever. I'm grateful to Dan, although things didn't work out the way we both hoped it would, he still made it possible for me to keep my life in a situation where I can make this dream happen. To box. He's a fighter himself, having competed on the international level in Tae Kwon Do, he understands how important this is to me. Now that I'm not managing anymore, I also feel more comfortable in writing the blog, I can put more "out there" and not feel that there will be a consequence to it.
Pretty long blog entry, we're almost caught up though. I'll talk about Jamaica, meeting Lenox Lewis, I'll address the 'haters', update my current training schedule, and most importantly what is next...The Golden Gloves Championships in April, where I will do my best to make our team! Stay posted, the best is yet to come...
Thursday, February 14, 2013
I'm Still Here
Share the dream. Share what dream? After months of resting my head on my pillow with tears in my eyes, I've laid there unable to sleep, asking myself, what the fuck am I doing? Why do I need to do this so badly? Why am I getting nowhere? I have given up everything, love, career, friends, family, and for what? For a dream? For a dream that will never result in anything? For a dream that doesn't lead to fame or fortune? All this for a stupid dream? After the tears would go away, the answer would come, yes, all this for a dream.
After much debate, mostly with myself, I have decided to blog again. Again. I don't know how many times in the last 2 years I have gone through this .I've been inspired, driven, successful, battered, disappointed, elated, destroyed, defeated, it has been a neverending cycle. I don't know how many times I have convinced myself that I am doing the right thing by blogging about my dream to box. So many things have happened to deter me from doing so. After what has been another difficult season, where I was not too concerned with my emotions due to the fact that I always struggle around the holidays, I faced more than just depression issues this time. This blog is supposed to be about inspiration and bringing people together, it was what I always thought it would accomplish, what I always hoped and believed it would do. The problem is, I try and write as honest as I can, but I have to be mindful of other people in my life and how it affects them, and this influences the integrity of my blog. I also don't want to write about negative things, so when I go through hard times, I don't write. I know I should write, but it's not easy to put yourself out there the way I have in the past. I am an emotional person, things get to me, and after receiving a great deal of hate mail that seemed to get worse by every blog, and after a change in the lead of my training(I'll blog more about that later), and after my new(now old) job was taking away from my time in the gym, I decided to fuck the blog. Everything was going downhill, and I didn't want to write, I didn't want anyone to know anything anymore. I just wanted to go about my business and box, achieve my dream on my own. If I can't write honestly, I just won't write. I need to show more actions than words anyway, and the blog, it's just words. Besides, I am failing.
Well despite what some people may think, or despite what some people will say, I'm still here. And I'm ready to fight. Fight for what I believe in. And I'm ready to write. Write what I believe in.So, once again you get all of me. Some think I do this to get famous, some think I want attention, some even suggest that I write to get laid. Think what you want, it doesn't matter anymore, I know why I am writing, I know what the blog is and what it can do, I know what it is meant to do, more importantly, I know what I want it to do. I realize now that I won't be understood, that whoever you are, you will read and see what you want to, I can't change that. Some people see what I'm doing as inspiring, they see a guy trying to live his dream. They want to be inspired so they see what they want. Some have suggested that I need to have a fight to legitimize my blog, my life, that until that happens I am a phony, a fake. Again, you will see what you want, fight or no fight. One person that has known me for years wrote a message stating that I am a drunk and I will always be a drunk. Again, you will see what you want. Let me tell you what I see in myself.
I see a person that is JUST LIKE YOU. I see a person that makes mistakes and does his best to right his wrongs. I see a person that genuninely cares about other people, that tries to see the good in everyone no matter what. I see a person that is sad, sad because of all the loved ones lost in such a short time, I see someone that doesn't know how to grieve or let go. I see a recovering alcoholic that struggles at times. I see a person searching for love in every aspect of his life. I see a person that can forgive and wants to be forgiven. I see someone that believes in the goodness of people and that we can all be part of something special. I see someone that is afraid of going after his dreams, that feels paralyzed at the thought of failing. I see a quitter. I see someone that refuses to quit. I see a fighter, inside and outside the ring. I see someone that is special, simply because he knows that he isn't better than anyone else. Nor is he any worse. I see humanity, I see love, I see peace, I see...you.
I'm going to write the blog. My blog. I'm going to write about all the good things that happen. And all the bad. I've come too far now, I feel like I've sacraficed so much. Love, family, friends, so many are gone now, so many have given up. The truth is, I feel like giving up. Sometimes. But I know that I won't, I can't . The jury is still out on many things, there is so much 'when and if' when it comes to this journey. But if I've learned anything about myself in the last 4 years it's this,I can do something I thought I NEVER could do. I can stay sober, I can stay clean. I can do the impossible. I can do anything. I have heart. I am a fighter. I have the heart of a fighter. And just like so many of my sparring rounds that have seen me get my head knocked off, this blog, this journey, has shown me something...I'm still here. I'm a fighter, and I'm still here. Are you?
I'm going to continue sharing my blog with you, sharing my journey, sharing my dream. I'll spend the next few blogs, going through where I am at, updating you with my current status and changes that have been made. It won't always be emotional like this entry, but no promises, when I sit to write, there is very seldom a plan, I type what is in my head. So, you get what you get. I've said it in the past, and I mean it, I still believe in what I'm doing, even after everything that has happened, I still believe. I believe that we're in this together, my dream, your dream, my life, your life. We can't do it alone, we need each other, that;s what it's all about. Together. At least, that's what I believe. I believe in sharing the dream.
After much debate, mostly with myself, I have decided to blog again. Again. I don't know how many times in the last 2 years I have gone through this .I've been inspired, driven, successful, battered, disappointed, elated, destroyed, defeated, it has been a neverending cycle. I don't know how many times I have convinced myself that I am doing the right thing by blogging about my dream to box. So many things have happened to deter me from doing so. After what has been another difficult season, where I was not too concerned with my emotions due to the fact that I always struggle around the holidays, I faced more than just depression issues this time. This blog is supposed to be about inspiration and bringing people together, it was what I always thought it would accomplish, what I always hoped and believed it would do. The problem is, I try and write as honest as I can, but I have to be mindful of other people in my life and how it affects them, and this influences the integrity of my blog. I also don't want to write about negative things, so when I go through hard times, I don't write. I know I should write, but it's not easy to put yourself out there the way I have in the past. I am an emotional person, things get to me, and after receiving a great deal of hate mail that seemed to get worse by every blog, and after a change in the lead of my training(I'll blog more about that later), and after my new(now old) job was taking away from my time in the gym, I decided to fuck the blog. Everything was going downhill, and I didn't want to write, I didn't want anyone to know anything anymore. I just wanted to go about my business and box, achieve my dream on my own. If I can't write honestly, I just won't write. I need to show more actions than words anyway, and the blog, it's just words. Besides, I am failing.
Well despite what some people may think, or despite what some people will say, I'm still here. And I'm ready to fight. Fight for what I believe in. And I'm ready to write. Write what I believe in.So, once again you get all of me. Some think I do this to get famous, some think I want attention, some even suggest that I write to get laid. Think what you want, it doesn't matter anymore, I know why I am writing, I know what the blog is and what it can do, I know what it is meant to do, more importantly, I know what I want it to do. I realize now that I won't be understood, that whoever you are, you will read and see what you want to, I can't change that. Some people see what I'm doing as inspiring, they see a guy trying to live his dream. They want to be inspired so they see what they want. Some have suggested that I need to have a fight to legitimize my blog, my life, that until that happens I am a phony, a fake. Again, you will see what you want, fight or no fight. One person that has known me for years wrote a message stating that I am a drunk and I will always be a drunk. Again, you will see what you want. Let me tell you what I see in myself.
I see a person that is JUST LIKE YOU. I see a person that makes mistakes and does his best to right his wrongs. I see a person that genuninely cares about other people, that tries to see the good in everyone no matter what. I see a person that is sad, sad because of all the loved ones lost in such a short time, I see someone that doesn't know how to grieve or let go. I see a recovering alcoholic that struggles at times. I see a person searching for love in every aspect of his life. I see a person that can forgive and wants to be forgiven. I see someone that believes in the goodness of people and that we can all be part of something special. I see someone that is afraid of going after his dreams, that feels paralyzed at the thought of failing. I see a quitter. I see someone that refuses to quit. I see a fighter, inside and outside the ring. I see someone that is special, simply because he knows that he isn't better than anyone else. Nor is he any worse. I see humanity, I see love, I see peace, I see...you.
I'm going to write the blog. My blog. I'm going to write about all the good things that happen. And all the bad. I've come too far now, I feel like I've sacraficed so much. Love, family, friends, so many are gone now, so many have given up. The truth is, I feel like giving up. Sometimes. But I know that I won't, I can't . The jury is still out on many things, there is so much 'when and if' when it comes to this journey. But if I've learned anything about myself in the last 4 years it's this,I can do something I thought I NEVER could do. I can stay sober, I can stay clean. I can do the impossible. I can do anything. I have heart. I am a fighter. I have the heart of a fighter. And just like so many of my sparring rounds that have seen me get my head knocked off, this blog, this journey, has shown me something...I'm still here. I'm a fighter, and I'm still here. Are you?
I'm going to continue sharing my blog with you, sharing my journey, sharing my dream. I'll spend the next few blogs, going through where I am at, updating you with my current status and changes that have been made. It won't always be emotional like this entry, but no promises, when I sit to write, there is very seldom a plan, I type what is in my head. So, you get what you get. I've said it in the past, and I mean it, I still believe in what I'm doing, even after everything that has happened, I still believe. I believe that we're in this together, my dream, your dream, my life, your life. We can't do it alone, we need each other, that;s what it's all about. Together. At least, that's what I believe. I believe in sharing the dream.
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