It was my birthday last week. I don't know what most of you do on your birthday, I guess some reflect on the previous year or years, maybe you think about the future and what excitement the new number will bring. Most of you maybe aren't there yet, and really only care about how drunk you're going to get and how badly you'd like to get laid, and when and where this will all take place. I actually forgot about my birthday, I have so much on my mind these days it was quite easy to, I was with my staff in a meeting when my mom called me at work to wish me a happy birthday. Then my staff brought out a birthday dessert and sang happy birthday, then there was no forgetting about it ! And it was fine, I actually reflected on the status of my life a little this week, and although I have some tough and life altering decisions to make in the near future I realized that for the first time in my life I'm content, the storms inside me have calmed, the demons resting a little, and dare I say...I am happy.
Of course this reflection didn't come without some bitter sting. Throughout the course of my life, whenever things got to a point when I just didn't know what to do, I would always talk to my Granddad. After all avenues were explored, and I would still be in despair, there was always one person that I needed to talk with, that person was my Granddad. I have been blessed to have some great men influence me in my life, my dad, my tennis coach, my uncle, but the greatest man I've ever known was my Granddad, Fred Ames.
My Granddad along with my Nana, are the couple responsible for the most romantic story that I know. That story is about how my family came to this country, Canada, the best country in the world. One day I might tell you that story, but today you get the short the version. My Nana and Granddad sponsored my mom and dad to come to Canada after responding to a letter that my Opa wrote from Indonesia to a bible class, here in Toronto. They took my parents in, fed them, clothed them, and got my dad a job, even naming my parents' first born, Sandra, my beloved sister! From that day on, we were inseperable, my Nana and Grandda were there for everything, birthdays, graduations, weddings, they have seen almost every one of the tennis matches I played in. The Indonesian community is huge now, and although unproven, my sister is one of the first to ever be born here, in fact we don't know of any 'Indonesian' baby that was here before her. The whole side of my dad's family has settled in Canada now, and most of my mom's too. Huge families, hundreds now, that all started from my Nana and Granddad bringing my parents to Canada.
My parents affectionately call them 'mom' and 'dad', and my Nana and Granddad have always cosidered my parents to be their own children, and my sister and I their grandchildren, they would always always introduce us as such, to everybody. And they ARE my granparents, since the day I was born.
My Granddad was the most incredible man I have ever known. He was a true gentleman, and when I say that, he really was, a gentle, man. He was soft spoken, never spoke loudly, never raised his voice or got angry, he was a tall and large man but when he hugged you or held your hand you felt nothing but comfort and love and safety. He treated everyone the same, my Granddad could be on the phone with the President, the Pope, a homeless person or an ex-con, you would never know which he was talking to because he dealt with everyone with respect, he treated everyone equally, with unconditional love. He was a great listener, he had time for everyone, and he always saw the good in people, I never heard my Granddad say a bad or negative word about anyone, ever. In times of trouble, he turned to god and his faith was unrelenting, he believed in the lord's will, and served his time on earth in this fashion. My Granddad never seemed stress, he always knew what to do, and that was always the right thing. He had his morals and values and always held himself accountable to them, doing the right thing was easy for him, money, greed, power, nothing would ever stand in the way of my Granddad making the right decision. He embodied integrity. My Granddad is someone I looked up to, he was loved and admired by everyone that knew him, he had every trait in a man that any other man would want. But although Granddad had all these wonderful traits to his character, there was one thing that seperated him from everyone else, there was one thing that made his life special, there was one thing that has always stuck out in my mind and lives in my heart, the one thing that I will always remember about my Granddad is how much he was in love with my Nana.
My Nana was the world to him. He treated her exactly like that. The world. He loved her with everything he had, and he showed it. Not just on her birthday, or Christmas, or on their anniversary, my Granddad showed my Nana how much he loved her, each and every day. One day they were taking me to a tournament, I was sitting in the back of the car, we were stuck in traffic, I was babbling on about something and they were both listening intently. When I finally stopped talking, my Granddad acknowledged me, paused, then turned to my Nana, grabbed her hand gently ( he did everything gently) and told her how beautiful she looked. When they got older and their health was getting worse, I remember visiting my Granddad in the hospital and seeing how worn out he was and sad, when the phone rang and it was my Nana he had a sudden burst of energy, he was telling her how much he loved her and how he couldn't wait to get home. I swear my Granddad only got better so that he could go home, to be with my Nana. And there are stories of the growing love they had for each other. He was in love with her, from the day they met, to the day he died.
I've always held on to the idea of 'true love' because of my Granddad. I've always believed that I could find somebody that I would be in love with, everyday, and not have that feeling deteriorate over the years, in fact opposite, that feeling would only grow, exponentially. Like it did for my Granddad. He was crazy in love. Always. I've seen relationships, I see it all around, all evidence shows that it isn't possible, that the best I can hope for is to love someone and have that person love me back. But this 'in love' thing is for youth, and the initail stages in a relationship. You never want to 'jump the person's bones' throughout your whole life. It just doesn't happen. Well, I'm a dreamer. My fighting name isn't "The Dream" for nothing.And just like my dream to become a professional boxer, I want to see if I can defy the odds. So, although I've yet to have a successful relationship and to be 'crazy' in love with someone for ever, I still believe that such a thing can happen, I know it can, because it happened with my Granddad. I've learned so many things from him, but mostly how to treat other people and the care and respect and love that goes into getting to know every person you come in contact with. He was such a special man, I miss him for so many reasons, especially now, selfishly, because I have so many decisions to make, and it makes me think about how many times I need to talk to him.
It makes me sad to think about the last days of my Granddad. When he died, I was an alcoholic, a drug addict, a selfish person. He never got to see me do better, to see me married with children, and to have success, and by success I mean, he never got to see me happy, and I know that's all he ever wanted for me. Although he believed I always had a good heart, he never got to see that character come to fruition,( I myself am still waiting). I was his Grandson, who only called him when things were wrong, when I was drunk, lost a job, dropped out of school, got heartbroken, I never called him to see how HE was doing. I regret these things, it's hard to let them go. My Granddad always made me feel loved, protected, safe. He would always make you feel safe. I remember the first time I was ever in a sauna, I was just a kid. It was so hot, like nothing I ever experienced. I rememeber feeling panicked, worried that if the door was locked and the heat persisted, what would happen? I only had to look over at my Granddad, to feel calm again. he was always calm, and he brought that sense of calmness in everything he did, everywhere he went. I always knew I would be safe with him. Safe, in every way.
All those times I would need to talk to him, to call him up when I was in trouble and didn't know what to do, when it seemed I had no one else to call. I miss him. But looking back, I realized something. All those times I reached out to him in despair, I didn't need him to tell me things were going to get better, I didn't need his advice, I didn't need an ear or a shoulder to cry on, All I really ever wanted, all I ever needed was to hear the sound of his voice.
